Canadian Stags

You often hear some interesting stories when a group of people get together with a large quantity of alchohol around a campfire. Even with that expectation, I was not fully prepared for the story that was related to me on our trip to Canada.

One of the guys on the trip, we'll call him Bartholemew to protect the guilty, is a pretty straight laced guy for the most part. Down to earth, easy going, suburban, and well just plain normal. He decided to tell us about his Stag Party .. which we assumed was the Canadian equivalent of a bachelor party in the states. We were thinking a few friends, alchohol and maybe some strippers. Canada apparently takes their stag parties to a whole different level.

Bart starts to explain that shortly before his wedding, his best man set up a stag party for him. They decided to go camping at a campground with a bunch of Bart's friends. I'm thinking this is about what I expected for Mr. Normal. Some beers and time hanging out with good friends. Pretty low key, but it fit for him. But alas, all was not as it seems.

Apparently Bart's best man and friends decided he had to have a costume to wear for the weekend. The outfit started in fine form. Silver thong banana hammock. I'm guessing something along the lines of:

Next, add a tutu. According to Bart, it was pink and lacy and not one of the long ones. In fact they were surprised how little it covered. Really more of a waist accessory than a way to hide the banana hammock.

As if that wasn't enough, they apparently brought a t-shit out for him. With the stomach of it cut out in a very gay fashion. But they left the rest of the shirt there. Why you might ask? Clearly so Bart can collect signatures.

Now at first, I assumed Bart's buddies were the ones going to be signing said shirt, but I was wrong. He had to collect signatures from other random parties. Since they were at a campground, he wandered around, hopefully rather drunk at this point, dressed in that outfit and tried to get random campers to sign his shirt. Doesn't that sound like good times?

That however was clearly not enough. So they packed up, and drove into the nearest town to hit up a bar, with Bart still in his outfit. Not content to be drunk in the woods dressed like some demented fairy creature, Bart is now in public. As Bart is pushed by his "friends" to collect signatures from random bar patrons, in walks a Stagette party. The female version of what they were doing.

Bart's friends and the stagette's start talking and buying drinks. Bart manages to collect signatures from most of the party. As the evening wore on, it got late and Bart's party was ready to head back to the campground. But not without one last signature. Bart needed to acquire a signature for the guest of honor at the stagette party. So he goes to request said signature and is told that she doesn't want to sign his shirt. So what does she sign? His ass. Yes, Bart is now in a bar, wearing a thong and tutu, bent over and allowing a drunk woman who is not his future wife, to sign something on his ass with a permanent marker.

Not being able to see what she is writing, Bart is pretty sure it was not just signing a name however. When he gets back to his group, his buddies want to know what it says, but since Bart can't see it, he is forced to bend over again so his buddy can read his ass for him. Much to Bart's surprise, it said something along the lines of "I want your big hard cock". Now that is what you want your friend to be reading aloud off your ass in public wearing that outfit. Priceless.

Edit: I was informed that I forgot a key element to the story. When Bart was outside with a couple of his friends waiting to head home, a guy drove up right next to them, stopped his car and said to Bart "I'm not goint to say NO, but we are going to negotiate the price!" Those wacky Canuks!

Now I can only imagine what went on for the rest of the weekend, but my guess is that it involved a lot of drinking and much time trying to scrub that message off his ass before he went home to the future Mrs. Bartholemew. All I know is that Canadians have a very odd sense of humor.