Thanks Capt. Obvious

I was reading an article on CNN about a volcano in Alaska that is very active recently and they are predicting that it could erupt. Story HERE. This was your typical science based news story. It talks about activity levels they are recording, the effects on the surrounding areas and what happened the last time it erupted. Apparently the last time it erputed in the 80s, the ash caused problems in nearby Anchorage and they are saying it could disrupt air traffic to the area. Ash plumes could cause engine failure for aircrafts. Might want to keep that in mind if you were thinking about flying to Alaska. :P

As I was reading the article, they were interviewing a 'research geophysicist' who works for the observatory up there. He says that all indications show that something could happen soon, but that they don't know for sure. He finishes up his statements with this line:

"I would not be surprised to see it erupt at anytime," Cervelli said. "We're going to know it when we see it."

Really? So when the VOLCANO erupts.. you brilliant scientific minds aren't going to need your instruments to tell you? You will just know when you see it? I suppose all those years of study and scientific theory are really paying off big now. To be able to look at an exploding mountain and just KNOW that its a volcano eruption... wow. I am in awe.

This guy has the observation skills of an Arizona weather man. "Ummm yeah.. looks like its going to be sunny today. And hot. Tune in again tomorrow for the weather with channel 3 and the supadupa doppler!"

Im pretty sure I could take a child to Mt. Redoubt in Alaska and when the top explodes skyward, ash blankets the sky and molten rock starts streaming down the side setting fire to everything in its path... that the child would look at it and go "Holy shit.. the volcano erupted!" And that without years of expensive education! I don't know who should be more embarassed.. the scientist for saying it.. or CNN for reporting on it as their lead 'expert' source.

Seems like it would be pretty obvious to me.

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Hobos and Prostitutes

Warning: Mom you might not want to read this one. :P Also.. any of you relatives that are nosy busybodies that like to question other people's parenting styles who probably read this on the sly just to make sure I am not talking about you.. skip it too.

Last night I went over the my ex's house for dinner and a movie. She listens to the soundtrack to Rent often and the boys have been asking to see the movie that goes with it. As there are quite a few tough topics to discuss in that movie, we had decided that when we thought they were ready, that we would sit down and watch it with them so we could discuss the issues that were brought up. Needless to say, we had quite a few pauses while we talked seriously about what HIV and AIDS is, and how it affects people. We discussed some of the people and relationships in the movie. I can say I am quite proud at the insightful questions they asked and how well they handled the answers.. most of which were not easy to wrap their heads arounds.

One of G's first questions was of course.. is the whole movie going to be songs like it has been so far? Well yes, it is a musical after all. We watched the whole thing, with all our pauses, and at the end of the movie K asked the boys the question, "What did you think was the main theme of this movie". I could see the look in both boys' eyes that said 'Whoa.. no one said there was going to be a quiz afterwards!'. They thought about it for a minute.. and B says, "I think it was about love." Well damn, that was a good answer! There were so many things he could have focused on, but once again my kids amaze me with what they perceive and pick up on. It was mainly about relationships and love and how events around them affect that.

After the whole thing was said and done, G was clowning around a bit like he always does and K says to me, "Did G tell you what he said on New Years?" I was of course in AZ and didn't see them for several days after, so I said no. G apparently told everyone that when he grew up he wanted to be a prositute and marry a hobo. I was in shock. Why would my 11 year old come up with a statement like that? For shock factor of course, but still.. does he know what the terms mean? Does he have any idea what he is saying? So we asked him if he knew what the two terms meant. He said he didn't know what a prostitute was, so we got to explain that to him. When he found out the meaning he decided he didn't want to be a prostitute after all. /whew

Not to let a good thing go however, he changed his statement. He said, "Nevermind.. I think I will be the hobo and marry a prostitute instead. That way I can do nothing and she can earn the money."

Well lets just keep that tidbit to yourself when people ask what you want to be when you grow up shall we? We are all laughing at this point. Probably shouldn't have been, but it was funny just the same. Let's just hope he keeps telling Nana that he wants to be a Vet or a Zoologist. Don't need to be giving Nana a heart attack or anything. It seems somewhere along the line I made an error in parenting for this to have come up, but hey.. he gets good grades, is polite and well behaved and is an all around great kid. At least he will be a smart, courteous hobo who will treat his prostitute wife well!

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Relationships and Reality

This is a post I have been thinking about.. and putting off. Starting and then deleting. Trying to wrap my head around things. What really got me thinking was stumbling across this blog post as I was following various links around: Link. Shortly after that, I happened to start talking with a good friend from high school that I reconnected with via facebook and our conversations have touched on a lot of the same things as brought up in that blog post.

I started thinking a lot about what I want out of a relationship. What I NEED. What kind of expecations I have. Are the reasonable? Am I completely out of my mind? What is a realistic expectation these days? I don't believe things are as they were 50 years ago. I won't bore you with statistics, but in doing some research I found that the divorce rate now is almost double what it was in the 50s and 60s. I don't know whats different. I can't say if the difference is good or bad. It is different though. I know people say divorce rate nowadays is 50%. I found most statistics showing more like 40% for first marriages, but what I found disconcerting was the statistics for 2nd marriages was more like 60% divorce rate.

I am not in a hurry to get married again. At the same time, I think being that commited to someone.. wanting to share my life with someone enough to want that, is a wonderful thing. How do I avoid being in that statistic? What have I learned in my experiences thus far that will hopefully prevent me from ending up in that place again?

For those people that have been kind enough to share some of their own experiences and indulge me in conversations on the issue, I want to say thank you. Its been very eye opening getting perspectives from women to counterbalance the guy side of things.

In today's world, what is reasonable to expect in a relationship? In a marriage? I think a lot of concepts that were ingrained way back when are rediculous. As the author of that blog post discussed, it is pretty rediculous to assume that just because you are in a relationship and happy, that you would never look at or think about another woman/man. Now don't get me wrong, I am not condoning infidelity. Not in any way, shape or form. Just saying the ancient concept of once you are commited to a relationship with someone that all thoughts and desires for anyone else go out the window is not based in reality. I think its perfectly natural to have thoughts and desires and if you can recognize that and discuss it, you are far better off than trying to pretend it doesn't exist.

GGC talked about how she felt that when she got married, that she was trapped. That when she got married she gave up a lot of what she wanted out of life to be a wife and mother. I think its natural to feel that way. How many movies have you seen where the guy has to trade in his convertable for the minivan? That is often the image projected. That once you get married and settle down, that life must become mundane and boring and not what you wanted. That you can't be yourself anymore and must become super-spouse and embody all those concepts society has tossed out there on how a spouse should behave.

I don't think that is the case, but being in a relationship where two individuals can maintain a semblence of themselves and still forge a shared life is a tricky situation. I started thinking about how people approach a relationship. I started really thinking about how I am going to approach a new relationship. I want to share my life with someone. It's the way I am. I don't mind being single, but ultimately, I like having someone to be close to. Someone to experience life with .. the ups and the downs. Someone I can love and support and who wants to do the same for me. That being said, I don't think a relationship can work long term if one or both of the people define who they are based solely on that relationship.

In the past couple years, going through seperation, divorce, and dating, I have discovered a lot about who I am as a single person who is still a dad with two amazing kids. While I want to share my life with someone, its just that. I want to share my life and hope she wants to share hers in return. I don't want to be her whole life. I don't want her to be my whole life. If that makes any sense at all.

I get that relationships are compromise and take work and enough talking and discussion to make your head spin like a top. I just don't think that being in a commited relationship means giving up who you are. In fact I have come to the conclusion that doing so is detrimental to the relationship in the long run. So how do you find that balance? How do you forge a life together with that special someone without losing who you are?

Ahh the reality of things can be quite scary. Anyone want to take a guess as to what percentage of women dating out there have any interest in dating a guy in his 30s that already has 2 kids and no desire to have anymore? Most in their early to mid 30s are in that 'settle down and have kids' mode. I love kids, but I am not going back to the baby phase. I love that my kids can carry on conversations with me and are a blast to hang out with now. So do I find that hot soccer mom who is in a similar situation as me? Sure, but then you are talking double the scheduling issues and time commitments. Double the ex-drama. Double the complications.

There are so many things stacked against successful relationships these days. Even more for the divorced dad of 2. Its tough to not get pessimistic, but I remain optomistic. She is out there somewhere. I hope. ;)

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Tyrant! Pt. 2

Again last night I had to sit down with my son. Again, we had to have a talk and this time it involved punishment. I was calm and didn't yell. It was a simple cause and effect thing. He knew the consequences if he decided he was going to play on the computer or the 360 before he homework and chores were done. I know he knew, because we had this conversation.. in detail.. just a couple weeks ago. /sigh

The rule is simple. He gets home form school and has about 90 minutes before I get home from work. All I ask is that he does his chores (less that 5 min worth of work a day) and do his homework. Most days he has little or no homework, which in itself is a point of irritation for me, but is another post entirely. That means out of his afternoon, he needs 5 minutes to accomplish his chores. Oh.. and by chores.. I mean chore. He has one. Most days it probably takes less than 2 minutes to do. 5 minutes would be on the high side.

So after giving him the news of his punishment.. he gets mopey and teary. I can't wait for this overly emotional phase to end! He is in his room upset, so we go have a talk.

Me: I see you are really upset. Why?

G: Because I can't play computer or xbox and I was really having fun playing WoW again with everyone.

Me: So who are you angry with right now?

G: You.

Me: Oh? Why are you angry with me?

G: Because you are the one that grounded me.

Me: Think about that for a minute. Last time we had this conversation I told you exactly what would happen if you chose to ignore what you were supposed to do and play instead. Remember?

G: Yes.

Me: So you made a choice both last night when you didn't do the dishes.. and again today after school when you chose to ignore them. You made the choice that you knew would result in your punishment for breaking the rules. Didn't you?

G: Yeah.

Me: So who is responsible for you being in this situation?

G: *sheepishly* me....


I tried to explain that the last thing I want to do when I come home from work is have to deal with that kind of stuff. I tried to explain that I don't WANT to punish them. The boys are 11 and 13 .. which means taking away all forms of digital entertainment means they are going to be moping around the house with their "I'm bored" attitude for the duration. Why on earth would I want to subject myself to that? Why? I am trying to raise responsible, respectful, well-behaved boys. That's why.

During our talk, I found out again that I am being too hard on him. From his perspective anyway. I am just going to resign myself that I am a tyrant. If me being a tyrant keeps them on track with everything, then so be it. It's all about viewpoints I suppose though as I don't really think I am putting all that much pressure on them. Maybe I am though. Who knows. I am winging this whole parenting thing! ;)

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Setting the Bar

Being on vacation for 5 days leading up to and then traveling on the day of the inauguration, I missed it other than the flight attendant saying "Just for your information, we now have a new president" as we sat on the tarmac in Charlotte waiting for out turn to be de-iced.

I honestly feel bad for Obama at this point. Not only does he face all the normal pressure a president has to deal with, he has all this added expectation from being the first black president. Then on top of that, he is being thrown into the situation our country is currently in. Let's be honest here. Any president taking over right now would have their work cut out for them. There is no easy answer. No quick fix.

Regardless of who you voted for or how your politics line up or how much you hated Bush, Obama is not going to suddenly make everything better. Yes it's a historic moment. I get it. The first black president.. blah blah blah. Does the color of his skin make him better at fixing the economy? Does it make his stance on health care or social security any better than if he was white? Congrats America, we have proven we are tolerant and not quite as racist as we were a couple of decades ago. So what?

You could parade a guy with an extra ear in the middle of his forhead up there dressed in a clown costume and he could still be a good president if he knew what he was doing. Stop focusing on appearances and skin color and focus on what they are saying and their actions. Bush was rediculous looking and made me laugh when he talked. That didn't make him a bad president. His actions and choices are what made him a good or bad president (depending on your opinion).

I hope that Obama knows what he is doing. I hope that this country has a good leader that can live up to even half of the rediculous expectations that are being put on him now. The bar has been set so high for him. Every president faces these high expectations that he can't possibly achieve, but because of the mess this country is right now and the fact that he is the first black president Obama is going to need his own personal jet pack to get over that bar.

I wish Obama the best of luck. I hope he can be the president this country needs right now and that people can let the rest of the circus go. Isn't the point in this day and age that we shouldn't care what color his skin is? So why is the media STILL so focused on it. Yes.. we got it. Its monumental and historic and ground breaking and all that. Bullshit. What will be monumental is if he can take the reigns and get this country headed back in the right direction. What I want to see is Obama remembered as a president that made a great positive impact on troubled nation. I want to see him remembered for his decisions, the changes he made and how he brought this country back from the brink. I want to see a history book 20 years from now that has pages and pages about how he did an amazing job as president.. and then a tiny little asterick and a footnote somewhere that says "Oh.. and he was the first black president as well, we almost forgot to mention that."

Unless I missed something, Obama is not Jesus, so I think everyone should stop expecting him to walk on water. I honestly hope he can make a positive impact on this country, but it won't happen overnight. Things are not all puppies and rainbows just because Bush is out of there and we have a black democrat as president. I wish Obama the best of luck dealing with all he has to. Its going to take a strong man with a thick hide to make it through what he is going to have to deal with.

If he wants to hit the ground running and make a good impression on me, he should invade France. By himself. Armed only with a shovel. Im pretty sure he could take France like that. How cool would it be to turn on CNN and see Obama running around smacking French mimes in the face with a shovel? Hell, you could sell that on Pay-per-view to other countries and maybe make up some of our trade deficit. Why is it that whenever I think of the French I think of mimes anyway?

Edit: Apparently I am not the only one that likes the idea of Obama beating down a french mime with a shovel. This picture she made for me cracks me the hell up so I had to share.

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Transition

As I wandered the various Disney theme parks with my family, it made me smile watching my nephew Caden and my cousin's daughter Emily and their wonder and excitement at all there was to see. The way their faces lit up when they saw a Disney character. The apprehension and tentativeness as they wander up to a 6 foot tall Rafiki for a picture. The little ones are fun to just watch as they experience all the sights and sounds and larger than life fantasies.

My nephew rode with me on this boat tour talking about the land. It wound through a tunnel section with videos and displays before taking us on a tour of this huge greenhouse facility they have where they are doing cutting edge farming techniques for desert growing etc. He went from excited to be on the boat..to clinging to me scared to be in the dark tunnel with some of the displays..to back to pointing excitedly at huge pumpkins and such growing in the greenhouse. He handled Pirates of the Carribean well surprisingly.

My boys were a different story. They are definitely in a transition stage. Not quite sure if they want to be silly and kid-like, or if they want to be more 'grown-up'. Some of the things that even just a few years ago would have had them interested and excited was now more of a 'whatever' kind of thing. It was funny to see them switch back and forth between the two phases. One minute B wants a big foam filled Goofy hat .. and the next he is bored because we are waiting on the big mid-day parade which seems to be oriented to little kids.

So there we are at the parade. It stops for a while on a section of street before where we were waiting and does a few songs and dance routines for the crowds over there. So we are waiting patiently .. and B tells me that he is bored and wishes we were on a ride or something. I, wanting to do my fatherly duty, imparted the great wisdom that is passed from father to son for all the ages to him. The conversation went something like this:

B: Im bored. Why can't we go on a ride or something.

Me: Well most of our group wants to watch the parade. So we are going to hang out here with them. If you are bored, you need to figure out a way to enjoy it even though its not really what you would choose to be doing.

B: Well the floats are all Toy Story and Bug's Life and stuff. Its for little kids.

Me: True enough, but look over there. Is that girl in the little plaid skirt and tight top dancing and jumping on the trampoline not nice to look at even if she is dancing to the Toy Story theme?

B: Wha? Where? Oh! I see her. I can watch this for a while I guess.


And there it was again.. that look of wonder and excitement. The same as I saw on my nephew's face. Only a bit different in what was being referenced... hehe. My son is definitely at that age.. that transition. There are moments he wants to be that little kid still and others where he wants to make it very clear he is NOT that little kid any more.

Of course we all still have those moments where we act like a little kid. My younger son was trash talking me about beating my score on the Toy Story 3D ride/game. I of course got totally into it, annihilated him with child-like glee and then gave him crap about losing afterwards for all his trash talking! Hey.. its tough love. They have to earn victory!

There was certainly plenty to look at while we were in Disney as there was a national collegiate cheerleading and dance competition going on at the Disney Hollywood studios that weekend and the girls were all wandering the parks the whole time we were there. B said his neck was sore after the 3rd day in the parks. He said it was from riding Space Mountain and the whipping back and forth, but I have my own theory that it has more to do with the whiplash effect of following the hot girls as they walked by.

All in all, despite the joys of airline travel in the winter, it was a fabulous trip. We had a wonderful time with my family down there and had great weather for 3 fun days in the different Disney parks. It was a whirlwind adventure but I'm glad we were able to all come together for the trip. It was a wonderful xmas gift from my parents!

Now, back to work. Fun stuff or something.

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-23 and bathroom icicles

On my way to work this morning the little temperature readout on my console said the outside air temp was -23. That is by far the lowest I have ever seen. Fortunately I was in my warm car with a big thermos of coffee. I knew however that I would have to leave the car to walk into work and that the -23 didn't include wind chills. It would be a brisk walk this morning.

I made is safely indoors, although breathing the air when I first got out of the car felt much like I imagine getting kicked in the chest by a mule probably feels like. There is really just no prepping yourself for that.

After all the coffee I drank on the way in, nature called. I answered and headed for the restroom. I walked inside and.. wtf.. are they pulling air directly from outside into the bathroom? I kid you not, it couldn't have been over 50 in there. I started wondering if I was going to find icicles anywhere.. or if people were having to chip through the ice to take a leak.

All I know is that the women's restroom is on the other side of the wall.. and most likely shares the same ventilation system. I was quite glad at that moment that I was a guy and can pee fast and do it standing up. I can't imagine dropping trou and putting my butt on that freezing cold seat!

Ahh the joys of winter. Thank goodness I am flying to Florida for a long weekend with the family at Disney tomorrow. Its supposed to be mid 60s and sunny. Only about 80 degrees warmer than here!

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Too much or not enough?

As I start my car this morning, I get a nice little alert on my dashboard. It says "1 tire low pressure!" and then cycles to "Service Tire System!". My car has sensors in the valves that monitor the tire pressure and relay the information to the cars computer, which in turn notifies me on the dash of any high or low pressure situations. Kinda cool huh? Yes.. and no.

The concept behind it is great. I mean who checks their tire pressure once a week even to make sure they are keeping in the correct range? Here is a technology that doesn't require me to do anything and yet constantly monitors the tires and makes sure they are always in range. My problem with the system is that for me, it sits in the middle between too much technology and not enough. I will explain.

When I went to have my tires replaced this spring, they normally put new valve stems on when they change your tires. I found out later when I went to put air in one of my tires (as I was alerted it was low) and the valve stem broke, that they didn't. I called my mechanic, told them I had a broken valve stem and they said no problem and to just swing by on my way home and they would swap it out for free quick as its like a 2 dollar part. Great! Or so I thought. I get there and the guy I always talk to is a little surprised I have a broken valve stem as he knows I just got 4 new tires a few months back and I should have all new stems in there. Well after some investigation, they figure out why I don't have new ones. The valve stems for my car are built into this whole unit that contains the pressure sensors and transmitters. So instead of a $2 part, its more like a $45 part. So they ordered me one and replaced it the next day.

So here's my thing. This technology in my car makes simple things much more complicated and expensive to maintain. Yet for all that cost and hassle, it isn't smart enough to tell me WHICH TIRE. It tells me 1 tire is low. It doesn't tell me "Rear Driver Tire Low" which would make the system actually worth it. So either its not enough technology and needs some more features to make it truly useful, or its too much technology and take it out so that I don't have to pay $45 per valve stem when they go bad.

Another example.. drive through ordering systems. We can put a man in space and talk to him. I can get 200 channels of satellite radio in my car anywhere in the country. You can get a satellite phone that will allow you to make a phone call in the middle of the wilderness. Yet with all that technology, we can't devise a communication system that allows clear communication for the 40 ft. from the ordering spot to the register inside? Seriously? Why does it sound like Chewbacca is trying to take my order? It's either too much and we go back to just ordering from a real live human being at the window, or it's not enough and they need to use some of that NASA shit and make it so that two people can communicate and not have it sound like complete crap. The way they sound now, you might as well remove the technology and put out the ol' Can and Strings intercom. Would work just as well and save on energy. At least go 'green' if it's going to sound like crap anyway.

One more prime example of a technology that is missing that 'one thing' to make it really useful is the video baby monitor. My sister has a 'video monitor' for her toddlers room. She can actually look at this little screen and see what is going on in her kids room. Kinda cool. And yet, does it make things any better? Sure you can see them, but does it really gain you anything? If they are not sleeping, well you know that with a regular sound-only baby monitor. If they are screaming for you and want to get up, you know that from the sound. It's not like the video monitor allows you to see him and go "look at his face, he is totally faking being upset about still being in his bed for nap time". 2 year olds don't really have that depth in acting quite yet.

So what is missing from making that a great technology? I will tell you. A dart gun with a lazer targeting system. The video monitor would allow you to see where the lazer targeting is pointed so you make sure you hit a good spot and not poke his eye out or anything. There would then be a button for launching the sedative dart remotely. This button would say 'Snooze' on it. Your child drifts off into a peaceful sleep for another hour or so and you can get some much needed rest. Now THAT is a good reason for having a video monitor!

I kid of course. I would never do anything like that. At least not that I am going to admit in a public forum. If you have ever parented a 2 year old, don't tell me the thought of drugging them for some peace and quiet didn't cross your mind at some point. :P

Technology...if you are going to do something, don't stop halfway. Make it really useful, or let us keep going the way we are without the added complications that doesn't really make things any easier.

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Greatest Job Ever?

If someone offered you 100K to spend 6 months as a caretaker of an island in Australia's Great Barrier Reef would you take it? Mind you there ARE job duties. Picking up the mail every now and then, cleaning your pool attached to your provided beach house and providing photos and blogs about the island and surrounding waters. Hours are flexible, and you are encouraged to snorkel, enjoy the scenery and wildlife and in general it sounds like it won't be all that taxing.

Well I suppose it depends on your definition of taxing. I suppose there are a number of things you have to do. If we go by my 11 year old's standards, it could quite possibly be considered slave labor. But he is delusional so his opinion doesn't count.

Its a pretty brilliant marketing ploy. They offer 6 month contracts for this position. They provide 100K salary, a place to live and transportation to and from the island and your home city as needed. In exchange, you keep up around the property and provide them with advertising material. They give you camera and computer equipment and you photograph and blog about your stay on the island. They get tons of free advertising as people talk about it and blog about it (much like I am now) :P

If you are interested, deadlines for applications is in Feb, so get cracking on your 60 second "Why I should get this job" video! It was negative 4 on my way in to work this morning with black ice on the freeway. I will tell you 6 months on a tropical island in the Great Barrier Reef sounds pretty tempting right about now. Relaxing even. And quiet. Peaceful. Probably wouldn't even need to take my shovel with me! Just a small one for making sand castles on the beach. ;)

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I'm a tyrant!

I was informed by my 11 year old today that I push him too hard. That I make things too tough on him. This all came about as I asked them to put away the new clothes I bought them today. I went in to check to see if they had cleaned their room like I had asked and I noticed that the new clothes were hanging out of a drawer that was crammed shut. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Why do you just shove the stuff in there? It was folded out of the bag already, why couldn't you just put it away nice?

G: I dunno.

Me: Lets look in here and see whats going on... hmmm.. you have socks, underwear, t-shit, a dress shirt, a sweatshirt and lounge pants all crammed into one drawer.. with nothing folded.

G: *shrugs*

Me: (I start pulling stuff out for him to refold) WAIT.. is that a dishtowel? And what is the washcloth doing in there? Not only were you too lazy to fold, you didn't even sort the bathroom and kitchen stuff out of your laundry? Did you just dump the whole basket in there and then cram it closed?

G: Noooo (As he looks down guiltily)

Me: Ok.. well I am taking all this stuff out. You are going to refold it and organize it.

G: Do I have to?

Me: Do you want me to answer that question?


So I pull everything out of his drawers. NOTHING is folded, despite that being one of the few jobs he has. Folding and putting away his OWN laundry. Not mine, not his brother's, just his own. There is now a big pile of laundry on the floor that he is staring at. I can tell when he is starting to get upset .. and this was one of those times. So I ask him if he is upset which he confirms and I ask him why.

Me: Are you really getting upset about this?

G: Yes.

Me: Care to explain why this is a such a big deal?

G: Well.. you see I think you are being too hard on me. I don't know any other kid my age that has to fold and organize his laundry.

Me: None of them? Did you take a poll? Did you ask everyone of the kids you know if they have to fold their laundry?

G: Well no, but one time we were talking about chores at school.. and none of them mentioned having to do laundry.

Me: Ok.. lets put this in perspective. Between drive time and actual work time, I put in about 56 hours a week working to pay bills. Keep food on the table. Lights on. Your computers and xbox and internet etc. working. I come home after work and make you dinner. I make sure you have money for your field trips and activities. I drive you places you need to go. For all that, I ask that you do a couple things around the house which for the entire week adds up to about 30-45 min worth of work. You really want to sit there and tell me its too much to ask of you to fold and put away YOUR own clothes?

G: Well.. I .. no.

Me: Good. So you are going to take care of this and not let it happen again correct?

G: Yes.

Me: Then you may live. Carry on.


I don't know what the parents of all his friends do. I don't know what responsibilities they have or don't have. I certainly don't think my kids are really all that put upon to do the few little things I ask them to around the house which really is nothing at all. But apparently I am a tyrant who works his kids to the bone. Even if that were the case, isn't that why you have kids anyway? Raise them to where you can get them working for you so you can take it easy after doing everything for them for all those years? I thought so!

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If you drive like a retard...

If you are going to insist on driving like a retard, a state where snow and ice on the roads are common really is NOT the place for you. Try Floriday.. or Texas.. or Arizona.

I was driving in this morning after oversleeping and I swear they knew I was late and so they radio dispatched retarded drivers. Granted, it was snowing this morning. Not heavy, but steadily. Of the 3 lanes on the freeway heading west the condition from right to left went like this: Clear, 95% clear, snowy. So, as you may guess, people were not driving in the left lane that was covered in snow. The other two lanes were perfectly usable.

Apparently there is a rule for retarded drivers that I was unaware of. The rule goes something like:

If white stuff is in the air, assume the apacolypse is here and the first people to be taken by the angels of death will be those driving over 40 miles an hour on the freeway.

So.. the retards in the right lane, which is perfectly clear mind you, are doing 30 miles an hour. Clearly they want to play it safe in case the sword of the apacolypse is not very accurate when smiting people. There are however retards that like to live on the edge. Like to live dangerously. Therefore they are not content to ride in the pack at 30 .. they are going to do like 35.. maybe even 37! So they are all in the midle lane, which is also quite clear, doing 35 and slowly passing the right lane retards, which I have officially dubbed RLRs. The middle lane ones consequently have been labled MLRs.

All I can say is its a good thing that its quite illegal to shoot drivers on the freeway. The body count today would have been tremendous. But then I got to thinking... would the body count really have been that high? Think about it. If these people drive like retards all the time, they probably would have been taken out by someone already, thus they would not have been there to irritate me today.

If you are going to drive 35 on the freeway just because there are flurries in the air, at least do it in the snow covered lane which is the only one that actually justifies the slower speeds.

What I really need is one of those LCD signs that scrolls messages across it mounted on the roof of my car. Only I would program it to scroll the message backwards so that the car in front of me could read it. I could scroll messages like:

You are clearly retarded. Move your vehicle out of my way immediately.
or
MOVE BEFORE I PULL YOU FROM YOUR VEHICLE AND HIT YOU IN THE FACE WITH A SHOVEL.

I watched DeathRace with my bro-in-law when I was in AZ and I am starting to think a hood mounted .50cal machine gun would be quite effective as well. I need to do something before I go insane trying to deal with idiots on the road.

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Whoa .. wait.. umm.. what?

The title of this blog post has two reasonings behind it. I'll delve into my randomness shortly which you can skip if you so desire. The first part that brought the title to my mind was the headline that I just saw explaining that the porn/adult industry is now requesting a bailout. The banks I understand affect a lot of people and their retirment savings etc. While I might not agree with a bailout as it was done, I can at least really see the economic inpact on a large portion of the country had it not happened. Hell even with the bailout, a lot of people had a huge impact on their lives because of it.

The porn industry however, well, I guess I just don't see it as an essential service. Were it to go under tonight, I am pretty sure there is an extensive enough catalog of porn already out there to tide us over til someone can start it up again with a sound business model. They are asking for 5 Billion. 5 BILLION. Taxpayer money. To bailout the adult industry. W T F? I would be very sorry to see anyone go out of work because their industry is struggling. But with all the people out of work, having their houses forclosed, struggling to feed their families and keep a roof over their heads, I guess I don't feel the average porn star needs special consideration over the rest of the country.

I have nothing against porn mind you. I am all for them running a business and making money at it. But why should a Mom and Pop grocery go out of business and have to just deal with it while major companies, the ones that should be making the best decisions and making sure they can stay intact and afloat, get bailed out by the government? If anyone happens to bump into Larry Flynt, tell him I have a shovel with his name on it.

Now for my musings on life in general. You can stop here if you like and go back to watching reality TV or searching the net for new and creative ways to rid the world of the Rascall Flats and Snaggletooth. The hd-dvd lazer face melter has potential:

http://www.destructoid.com/mod-your-useless-hd-dvd-drive-to-burn-people-s-faces-off--117038.phtml


Sometimes you look back at where you have been. Looked back on choices you made and things you have done. And sometimes you just have to shake your head and go "Whoa.. wtf happened there?!?" As they say, hindsight is 20/20. Ok.. well maybe not always 20/20 but it at least had a good run with some lasik surgery if you know what I'm sayin.

With the start of a new year and some things that have come up recently, I have had that chance to really look back. Look back and wonder at myself. Wonder why I wasn't able to forsee some of the things that happened in 2008. Wonder why I didn't handle things differently. Make different choices. I mean I'm older and wiser now right? Shouldn't all those years of experience kick in and prevent me from making a mess of things?

Don't get me wrong, 2008 for the most part was a good year. There were many good times and great memories I will cherish for a long time. I took quite a few trips and vacations this year visiting various family and friends. Who can forget a weekend of swim-camping in Canada? Or a weekend in Vegas with my sister and my closest cousins and their spouses? There were many other great times too.

Guess I just look back in amazement on some of the things I managed to justify to myself. Things I glossed over or thought I could work out one way or another. Sometimes avoiding a tough decision. Sometimes just trying to hold on to something that maybe I should have just let go of. Beating myself up on somethings I shouldn't have..and not being hard enough on myself on others.

That's life though I suppose. It's always easier to see the whole big picture looking back and see the clear and obvious choice. It's much harder to wade through the same situations when you are getting one little piece of puzzle at a time. You think the picture is going to be one thing when the puzzle is complete, but as you get more and more pieces, you realize that the picture really isn't what you expected at all. That doesn't mean the picture is bad. It could still be wonderful. It's just hard to think something is going to be one thing and find out its nothing like what you expected. Then you have to decide if its a puzzle you want to keep working on or not.

How was that for a metaphor? I must say I liked it. If you didn't, its probably because you are one of those people who need the "Don't stop chainsaw with your penis" warning label. In which case a puzzle is probably too hard for you anyway.

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Know your target audience..

So I live in the midwest. Its cold this time of year. We have snow and ice and sub zero temps on occasion. Its just common sense that you dress for the weather. That you take your time driving and even walking.. for safety. Speed + Ice = bad news, be it on foot or in your car.

As I am headed out of work yesterday, I noticed someone had put up signs on all the doors leading out. They said something to the effect of "Inclement weather conditions has caused the threshold to be slippery, please take caution."

No those of you that read this blog probably see no reason to take issue with this sign. That is because you are at least semi-literate. At least when you aren't drinking. Here's the problem. There are close to 2000 employees where I work, not even taking customers into consideration. Now, as with any job, you have those that are educated and are in positions that need that education level to handle. You also have those that aren't quite up to that level. People that didn't graduate high school. I'm not being mean here.. its a statement of fact. With as many employees and customers as we have here, there is a fairly significant number of them. They aren't 'dumb' per se, but they have their limitations.

Back to the signs. Like I said, if you live in the midwest, you know that you have to be careful and ready for the weather and the conditions it brings. I know for example that a day like we have had for the last 3-4 days breed ice. It warms up just enough that if you throw some sun in there it melts the top layer of snow. This water then covers the clear spots on the ground, sidewalks, roadways.. and then as evening approaches it cools down and the sun goes away and that moisture turns to ice. I personally don't need a sign on the door warning me, I expect to watch for ice. I am prepared. I am aware.

The people who don't understand the ice causing conditions, or in general just aren't quite on the level where that common sense alerts them to be careful this time of year are the people you need to warn. Just like you remind a child who gets excited and wants to go running down the icy driveway to greet a friend, they need a reminder to watch for ice. The problem is, you have made the signs with language over their heads. What the signs all should have said in huge letters is:

WATCH OUT!
ICE BAD!
NO SLIPPY!

Simple, to the point, and on a level that the intended targets can read, comprehend and adhere to quickly before they step out into the danger zone. It's the same audience that warning labels for Husqvarna chainsaws are designed for:

"Do not attempt to stop chainsaw with your hands or genitals."

There are people that need these warnings. But they have to be in simple terms they can understand. They have to be consise. Let's be honest. These people have short attention spans and generally don't like to read. How else could reality TV have become so popular?

I say skip those warnings. If you need to be told to be ready for ice in the winter or to not eat your ipod shuffle...



... well then maybe it's what we like to refer to as natural selection. It's survival of the fittest. Look at nature. If you have a stupid gazelle that jumps off the cliff because no one warned him that he can neither fly nor survive a 200 foot drop, well then that gazelle has been removed from the gene pool. He can no longer endanger himself or others and hopefully this happens before they manage to pass on the stupid gene.

You have heard the phrase before.. the gene pool could use a little chlorine. There is some truth to that. Instead, we give the stupid people lots of money. If you put a steaming hot cup of coffee in between your legs, squeeze the lid off while driving and scald yourself...most people would realize they were taking a risk and got burned for being stupid. Stupid people however assume its someone elses fault for there not being a warning label telling them NOT to do what they just did. So they sue .. and a jury of their peers (which must be stupid people as well) gives them millions of dollars and the cycle continues.

There lots of stupid warning labels.. check out some more HERE.

To recap. If its winter time, always remember:

ICY. BAD. NO SLIPPY!

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Ahh back to work..

Nothing quite as exciting as being off for two weeks and then having to go back to work. Two weeks of sleeping in. No alarm clock. No schedules. No rushing to get ready to be out the door by 5am to be at work by 6. Ahh well the fun had to end at some point right?

Problem is, with being sick, I never got to adjust my sleep schedule back to where it should be before this morning. When you can't really breathe, its hard to sleep soundly. I have been restless the last 4 nights now, so even if I try to go to bed early, I am still up here and there. Never quite getting back on track. My alarm going off at 430 this morning was quite brutal let me tell you. Although whatever random new radio station I had tuned my alarm to because the signal was coming in well was definitely playing 'Humpty Dance' by Digital Underground this morning. That was something odd to wake up to let me tell you.

So here I am at work. Only two of us here this time of the morning. Nothing going on really. None of the stuff that was going to be starting this week seems to have actually gotten scheduled. I kept up on my email for the most part while on vacation so there were very few to plow through. No phone messages other than a wrong number call from some trucker looking for a shuttle ride from his truck out in the parking lot to the front door. I know its cold, but seriously? You need a shuttle ride for the 100 yards it takes to get from the truck parking to the front door?

Yesterday was a nice day even though I wasn't feeling 100% still. The boys and I went to lunch with my brother, sis-in-law and her parents who were visiting from CA. We had a nice time visiting with them again. Then it was back home for our xmas celebration. The boys had quite a few packages to open. We got their big items setup and they were happily playing away. We called my Grandfather for his 85th birthday later in the evening as well. Happy B-day again Grandfather!

One of the gifts from my parents was a trip to Disneyworld and Epcot Center in FL for the boys and I. I just got back from vacation, but we are all headed to FL to see everyone again for a long weekend in a couple of weeks. The boys are super excited to get to see everyone, visit Disneyworld .. and of course miss a few days of school.

Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season. I know I did.

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A New Year?

Today is the start of a brand new year. I, like most people, have goals and ambitions and things I hope happen in the year to come. Some things I have control of and I have to use my own wilpower to make happen. Others I only have partial say in.. or have no control over at all. Still.. its always nice to be at Jan. 1 with a whole year ahead of you to work with.

As 2008 came to a close, I looked back on the year. There were bad times I am glad to be putting behind me, but there were way more good times than bad. I am blessed to have a wonderful family, great friends and a good job. With all the turmoil this country has been in for the past year, I am extremely grateful to have a job and a roof over my head and the ability to take care of my family. I really had to stop and realize, that despite my own pity parties I throw for myself over tough situations, there are so many that lost their jobs and homes. People that went from living comfortably to suddenly struggling to just put food on the table.

As we go forward into the new year, I am optomistic. Hopeful.

Enough waxing poetic. I know I normally ramble much longer, but I am sick. Yeah, I decided to go ahead and start 2009 with a nice full blown head cold. Sinus pain, headache, sore throat, stuffiness .. all the fun stuff! Our new years was fun but very low key as my sister is sick as well. We just hung out and watched movies and had a nice dinner together. Then C and I loaded up on cold drugs. I spent the rest of the evening dozing here and there. I was up after midnight to stumble into bed.. so that counts right?

I am just hoping for some relief before my flight tomorrow. 4 hours on a plane with a head cold does not sound like a good time to me. Yes, vacation is almost at an end. I had a wonderful time visiting with my family. I was lucky enough to get to spend almost 2 weeks here for the holidays. You know how it goes though.. towards the end you are ready to be at home in your own bed.. and that for me is just magnified right now by being sick. Let me curl up in my bed .. or shoot me and get it over with. I hate being sick.

It was 77 degrees here yesterday. I will be leaving those warmer temps and will be landing to a balmy high of 18 in Milwaukee tomorrow. Fun stuff. At least its supposed to be clear skies so I shouldn't be delayed. Really looking forward to seeing my boys. This was the first xmas I have spent without them. It was made easier by the fact that I was here with family and watching a 2 year old nephew at xmas time is a lot of fun. Still, just not the same without my boys.

Well I am going to curl up on the couch in a cold medicine coma again for the afternoon. I hope everyones New Years celebrations went well and that everyone is ready to start again.. fresh and new.

/cheers

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