Make em fit..

While this is a somewhat sad and disturbing tale ... I think the deal being made out of it is far worse.

For those of you unable to click the link or are just too lazy to read it, basically a former employee of a funeral home is claiming that a 6'5" man was too tall for the coffin they sold to put him in and that the funeral home cut parts of his legs off to make him fit.

Sure, everyone wants to feel their loved ones are treated with respect even after they are gone. No one would want to have that happen to a family member. However, this allegedly happened in 2004. 5 years ago. For 5 years the family of that guy has struggled to move on and come to terms with his passing.

Now, because someone wants to alleviate his guilt over this knowledge, they are drudging this whole thing back up. They are exhuming the body and doing a criminal investigation. Who knows how long this is going to take and how long the family is going to have to deal with a situation they thought was put to rest, literally, years ago. Its bad enough that it happened. Whats worse is that someone who knew about it then when he was working for the funeral home waiting 5 years when he is no longer an employee there to think it was important to bring up. He/she was ok with it when they needed the job, but now its ok to go back and make the family suffer through the emotions again and deal with this new information and investigation on top of it all. That irritates me.

For the record, when I go, creamate me. Don't worry about having to get the taller coffin. Hell, if you can get a discount on a smaller urn or something, go for it. Like I am going to care. Really though.. if they need to chop off body parts so they can fit people in smaller caskets, chop off the head. If you watch any zombie movies, you know the only way to stop them is to cut their head off. So, save money on the casket and prevent a world zombie invasion.

If there IS a zombie invasion though, there are few key points to remember:

1. Old LPs thrown frisbie like are generally not effective weaponry for removing heads of zombies.

2. Despite what you see in movies .. pretending to shamble along and moan like you are already a zombie doesn't work. THEY KNOW.

3. Always aim for the head. Hitting them or shooting them in the body is just going to piss them off. They already want to eat you, so lets not make it worse mmmmkay?

4. You only have to outrun the slowest person. Tripping, while generally considered rude, is perfectly legal in a zombie invasion. Don't be afraid to sacrafice the nearest annoying person or Rascall Flats band member in order to make your getaway.

5. Zombies are not jumpers .. so any obstacle you can jump over in your escape will slow them down. Fences...logs...Kisten Dunst out cold from a shovel to the face etc.

6. If food becomes scarce, joining the zombies as opposed to having to eat canned green beans is acceptable!