Ummm..what?

Often times I am astonished by the things people do in the midwest that fall under that stupid news category. We seem to have our fair share of wierdos for sure. The one I stumbled across however comes from sunny California and seriously made me got W T F?

Here's the article:

FRESNO, California (AP) -- Authorities say they've arrested a man who broke into the home of two California farmworkers, stole money, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing.
Fresno County sheriff's Lt. Ian Burrimond says 22-year-old Antonio Vasquez was found hiding in a field wearing only a T-shirt, boxers and socks after the Saturday morning attack.
He says deputies arrested Vasquez after finding a wallet containing his ID in the ransacked house.
The farmworkers told deputies the suspect woke them Saturday morning by rubbing spices on one of them and smacking the other with an 8-inch sausage.
Burrimond says money allegedly stolen was recovered


So lets put ourselves in the mind of the criminal. He is desperate enough to break into a home to steal some money. Wearing a t-shirt, boxers and socks.. not really a stealthy, low profile outfit. He finds that his victims are asleep and he could have just snuck in and out and took what he wanted. He decides however, that he needs to send his sleeping victims a message though. Really leave his mark on the crime scene. So he ransacks the kitchen looking for someone to really get his point across.

He discards the knives and scissors. Ignores the metal pots and frying pans. Forget bottles that can be broken and used to shank someone. What he really needs.. is... yeah thats it! Paprika! Oooh and some Rosemary! That will show them! But then he gets thirsty after all that searching around and decides to see if they have anything cool to drink in the fridge. What he finds in there though is not a refreshing beverage, but the ultimate "I will show you" weapon. An 8" sausage! (Too..easy) His master plan is now set.. blind one with seasonings and then take the other one out with a viscious sausage attack! They will never see it coming.

How has this genius not been on an internation crime spree with cunning like that? I mean the criminal masterminds of the world could learn a thing or two. Really the only flaw to his plan was the fact that in the middle of his savage attack on his victims, he managed to leave his own wallet behind with his ID in it. Oh, choosing a FIELD to hide in was probably not the best choice either. Unless you are a lion, or a military sniper in a ghillie suit, hiding in a field is probably not going to work out to well.

What does this article really show us? That having a gun that a criminal can take and use against you is not the biggest of your problems. What you need to be making sure of is that you lock up your spices and make sure you cook and eat any meat products that could be used as a bludgeon in a timely fashion!

I haven't seen this level of intricate planning and devious thoughts since Edward R. Rooney:

If you don't know who he is, really, I weep for you! Oh.. and see what he is up to these days. Kinda scary.