Hindsight? Understanding?

Yesterday I had one of those "oh now I fully understand" moments. It was not a good one for me. I have just been having these moments more and more. Every time I turn around lately I seem to experience situations or do something to someone that has been done to me that I didn't really enjoy.

I mentioned one the other day in regards to my parents and finally understanding what drove them crazy about some of my actions as a kid. It wasn't until I experienced the same kind of situation with my kids that I fully understood. It's always different looking at it from your point of view and not completely understanding where the other party is coming from.

A few months back, I was in a situation that was not pleasant at all. One that angered me and worse, hurt me. Suffice to say it was not a happy time. With a lot of talking, some time and reflection, I was able to move past it and I am very glad I did.

Now you would think.. knowing how I felt, knowing what I went through, that I would have learned from the situation. I would know the danger signs and what to look for. I would know how to avoid it for sure. How to make sure I didn't do anything like that to someone else. You would think anyway. Apparently I am not quite that smart though.

Yesterday I hurt someone I care for in a similar fashion to how I was hurt a while back and I didn't even see the similarities until it was already said and done. I apologized .. and apolgized again .. and again. Yet it still doesn't seem enough. It seems worse because I should have known better at this stage. I should have seen what I was doing. It wasn't intentional by any means, but if anyone should have been on the ball looking for this kind of thing, it should have been me.

The one good thing I guess to come out of this is simply that I have a much better understanding of how the other person felt in the situation I referred to from several months ago. I have a much better understanding how and why it came to pass the way it did. With that understanding, and knowing how I felt at the time, I also quite clearly understand how the person I hurt in this situation feels. I know why they are hurt and upset. I don't blame them for it.

Life sucks sometimes. Sometimes we hurt people we love. Sometimes we get hurt by people we love. Sometimes we are bad people. Hopefully most of the time we are good people. I just hope that I can take in all the good, the bad and the ugly and process it and learn from my mistakes ... my experiences ... my relationships .. and come out the other side a stronger, smarter, more caring person. It doesn't always seem to work out that way, but I will keep trying.

My boys are in Arizona and I hope they are enjoying the pool and spending time with family they don't get to see very often. I miss you guys.


For Lisa .. I love you baby