A tragedy.

My brother and I decided to watch a movie when we were both off on Monday. After starting to watch a movie that was so bad we turned it off after less than 10 minutes, we decided to watch 'How to Lose Friends and Alienate People'. The movie stars Simon Pegg (from Shaun of the Dead), Meagan Fox (as G would say Haaawt!), and Kirsten Dunst (seriously.. how is she STILL getting movie roles?).

Now normally I would have to skip the movie on general principal since she was in it but it started off ok. She was an ugly, stuck-up bitch who no one liked and I had a feeling she was going to die a horrible death in this movie. I had this glimmer of home that Simon Pegg would treat her like a Zombie from Shaun of the Dead and decapitate that fugly troll. Then throw in the fact that you have Megan Fox there as the hot chick that he is pursuing to counter-balance said hideous harpy's negative impact on the film, and I was actually optomistic. Key word being WAS.

*Spoiler Alert*

How this movie unfolded however was nothing as glorious as it should have been. Quite the opposite. This film turned into a tragedy the likes of which I have never seen. Its a good thing we were watching this at my brothers house for a couple of reasons. First off, I didn't throw anything at the screen as I didn't want to break his TV and second, I didn't get us kicked out of a theater from yelling my disgust at the sheer retardedness of the movies plot.

To be fair, its not the plot that was really the problem. The plot was decent even if a bit on the predictable side. The problem was, the plot was ruined when IT was cast to play the other female lead. See the problem was that in the end, Pegg's character realizes that fame and money aren't everything and that he doesn't really want Megan Fox. He decides that he wants that billy-goat-eating, lives-under-the-bridge, soul-sucking-hideous-hosebeast of a woman.

This plot would have worked fine had hosebeast's role been filled with pretty much anyone else. Eliza Dushku would have been an excellent choice for example. I would have certainly bought that he gave up a chance to have sex with Megan Fox to chase after her instead. But Nooooo! He is going after .. that... thing. WTF? How am I supposed to buy into this movie? I'm all for suspending belief at the movies, but even I have my limits. C'mon!

You could have put in the monster from Alien in Dunst's role and I would have had less of a struggle with it. It still wouldn't have made much sense to skip sex with Fox, but it still would have made more sense than him chasing after Dunst. If you put me in a room with Dunst and the Alien, with her acidic skin desolving saliva, razor sharp teeth and claws, huge chip on her shoulder and all and told me I had to try to have sex with one of them, I would tell Alien to pucker up buttercup. I would rather have my unit disolved off with acidic spit as she disembowled me than have to interact with that other hosebeast.

Everyone knows JarJar Binks is the most annoying character on the planet and everyone wants to see him killed violently, but I would even rather have him wandering around the movie and Pegg's character trying to hook up with him than pursuing Dunst.

Overall I felt what could have been a decent movie was ruined completely by one bad casting call. Really.. HOW is she still getting roles? HOW? Was Babe the Pig not available? Barney the dinosaur? Shaq in his Shazzam outfit? Any of those would still have been far superior choices.

Really.. we are supposed to believe he went after:



instead of:




Maybe the real hero of this story is Simon Pegg because it is a testament to his incredible acting ability to pull off that role. I mean he was able, with a straight face and only a few dry heaves, act like he wanted to leave Megan to go slay the beast after Dunst. Kudos to you Simon. You have conquered your Everest. You have proven your versitality and ability to act even under the harshest of conditions. Next time though.. do me a favor and demand a different actress to work with. She will eat your soul when you aren't looking!