10 Things You Should Never Say to a Guy

I saw THIS article on MSN this morning .. and the things they added to the list were good enough that I thought I would share it here.

My top few out of the list are as follows:

"Nothing's wrong." I am notoriously bad at missing subtle hints and signals, but if I know someone well enough, I am usually able to tell when they are upset. If I detect that vibe, then you are definitely putting it out there. So to deny anything is wrong, only makes us worried and puts us in a mood that is not conducive to fixing anything or having a rational discussion. We know something is wrong, so tell us. If we ask, its because we care, we want to know, we want to listen and do what we can to help. If we can't fix it, at least we can be there for you. Give us that chance instead of assuming we don't have the capacity to listen or understand. If you are just in a wierd mood that day and nothing is wrong, explain that so we know whats going on. Maybe you are one of those people that thinks its good to keep your partner paranoid and on their toes, but if you want a long meaningful relationship, thats not going to work.

"What are you wearing?" Spit it out already. You obviously don't like the outfit or you wouldn't have said that. Don't beat around the bush. Most guys realize they don't have the best fashion sense in the world and if you want us to wear something specific for a special event, then you better say so or we will wear what we think looks ok and is as comfortable as possible. Plan it ahead a bit.. if you know something big is coming up make sure you talk about it and who's wearing what ahead of time and make sure stuff is tried on before its time to get dressed to go.

"Do you think she's pretty?" Yes. If you catch us checking out a chick, she either has a horn growing out the side of her head and we just can't look away, or she has something hot going on. Maybe she isn't pretty face wise, but I can pretty much guarantee she has a killer rack or a nice ass... something that caught our attention. Maybe she has a low cut shirt on and a satin bra that caught the light and we saw something shiny that distracted us. Regardless of why, remember that we are there with you. We chose you. I am not saying that there are not guys who are cheating pigs that would try to pick up someone while out with a woman, but that is not the norm. As a guy I don't take offense to a comment that you think so and so is hot. Likewise, don't take it personally or think that because we can look at another woman and think they are attractive, that we want you to look like them.


The rest of the list on that page is very good .. and the responses he posted to them are worth a read. I would like to add some of my own to the list:

"Let's Go Do xxxxxx! It will be fun!" Insert random activity that you would find fun when there is nothing going on one Saturday afternoon. Say a sidewalk shoe sale, or clothes shopping, or a free jazz concert in the park. Try to understand that if a guy is sitting on the couch watching the game or vegging with a book, he is probably quite happy where he is and not looking for something else to do. Most guys however will do what you want if its handled right. If we want you to do something, we know how to bribe and bargain with you. If we want a weekend trip with the guys, we know we are going to be spending the week before and after doing extra stuff around the house and doing things you want. Its the bargaining process. It works both ways. If you want a guy to give up what hes doing to relax, then bargain with him. Something like "If you go to the craft fair with me today, I won't bug you to do anything tomorrow when the playoffs are on and we'll just order pizza and hangout." Most guys will jump at a chance to have a guaranteed time where they can be lazy guilt free. Then it's their choice to go with you too.. which means they are not going to grump around like they will if you guilt them into doing it. If all that fails, promise to do something dirty you know gets them going. :P

"We can do that ourselves." Not all guys are handy. Or maybe they are handy with a few certain things. You want to run and terminate a Cat5 computer network in your house and add in a wireless router for laptops, TIVO and your XBoxLive, then I'm you man. You want me to do plumbing? I don't think so. Know what you guy can realistically do without getting extremely pissed, hurting himself or others, or screwing up so badly that you have to call a professional to do all the original work over again and fix whatever else got hosed up. Its not that we don't want to be the Norm Abrams of your world, most of us just know our limitations and while we are happy to try to do the little stuff to keep things running, if its a major project you need to seriously think about talking to someone who knows what they are doing. Some people love to spend a weekend building a fence or landscaping the yard again. Most guys however see that as work and the last thing we want after a hard week at work .. is another job to do. Yes, some things have to get done and they will, but if you have your heart set on a project and wanting it to be exactly a certain way, talk to us and see if we think we can do it. If we can, we'll say so because we want to impress with our handiness. If we can't, listen to us please and let's save and hire a professional.

"I gave you a hint back in March!" Look, most guys won't catch a subtle hint unless you put that hint on a bat and hit them between the eyes with it. And even then, the concussion and damage to short term memory probably means they won't remember it anyway. Guys like to get gifts that you want. We, however, hate shopping...with a passion. We like to go in.. get one specific thing .. and then get the hell out. If there is a gift holiday coming up and you want something specific, then don't hint, say so. If you want it to be a surprise, then give us several options and let us pick. Mabye we already have something in mind, but I guarantee that we will always takes suggestions and ideas, to file away for the next gift purchase if nothing else. If you don't offer guidance to a non-shopper, then don't be upset about that Salad Shooter you just got. The woman on the commercial seemed overjoyed to get one and honestly.. there is some entertainment in being able to turn a head of lettuce into a projectile weapon.

Well thats it for now. I hope you check out the article as its pretty funny and quite accurate for guys in general. Oh I know that not every guy fits every statement, but in general they are right on the money. Just remember. Guys are not sublte creatures and while your best girlfriend might pick up on all your little gestures and actions and know exactly what is going on in your head, we don't. Even if we have been with you forever, we don't. Speak clearly, directly and use small words and we'll all get along just fine. ;P

To my male bretheren whom I have thus offended with my callous and egregious generalization of our capacity for the understanding and comprehension of complex vernacular, I offer my humblest and most sincere apologies.