Perception

There are always various situations going on in my life. Some I'm directly involved in and some that I am an outside observer on. I'm sure thats true for anyone unless you are a hermit living in a shack in the mountains, life seems to bring drama in one form or another pretty constantly. For those not into the internet as much.. drama as I refer to it there is basically talking about an emotionally charged situation. It's most often used to reference arguments or heated debates on forums or among people talking on vent when put in the context of the net. I tend to apply it to the real world as well. Seems there is always some kind of drama or stress going on. Some drama you have no control over and have to stand helpless ... just watching and deal with it the best you can. Others you are directly responsible for or very involved with even if not the person that created it to begin with.

We all have stuff going on in our lives.. its .. well .. LIFE. What changes events from just something going on to 'drama'? It's perception. It's the emotions that get based off that perception. Let me give you an example. Lets say I am a die hard Packers fan (I couldn't care less actually). If you asked me who I thought the best quarterback was, I would probably respond with Brett Favre. Is he the best ever? Who knows for sure, but my perception is based on the fact that I spent most of my football time cheering for the Packers and Favre. Even if I want to give an objective answer to the greatest quarterback question, there is just no way you are going to completely seperate your emotions out of it. So if the Packer fan feels that Favre is the best, he will argue it to death.. probably getting very heated and emotional over it if someone is making a case for another QB.

In life, most of us do our best to get all the facts we can about a situation before we form our opinion on a subject or situation. That is not always the case though and sometimes just not possible. Ever made a snap judgement as someone walked by because of the way they dressed or talked or moved? Sometimes our emotions get the better of us and we don't even realize we are doing it. Hell I know I have made some pretty irrational decisions in the past in the heat of the moment. I try not to nowadays. It's something I work at pretty hard actually. When the kids do something (or don't do something they were supposed to) that just sets me off, I have to take a step back, calm myself and decide if its worth getting upset over or just discuss it with them later and move on. It's not always easy.

There is a situation that I am on the outside of right now where one party is not sharing all the information available in order to 'protect' people. This kind of thing has happened to me in the past where information was withheld so that I didn't have to worry about it or to the person that was not sharing, it wasn't a big deal. I struggle with that, I really do. Sometimes you have to make a tough decision to protect a child that may not be ready to deal with an adult matter, but even then you would be surprised what kids can handle if you are open and honest with them. Most of the time its adults 'protecting' other adults. I guess I just feel that if the people are important in your life and you know they love and support you, let them in and let them be there for you rather than keeping them out of the loop so they don't have to worry about it.

The problem with all these drama type situations is dealing with perceptions. People are going to base their feeling and emotions on the facts they have.. even if that is an incomplete or incorrect set of facts. I can't count the number of times I have been frustrated by this kind of thing lately both at work and in my personal life, it seems I am always trying to combat other peoples perceptions of what is going on in a situation. I love getting called into someone's office and have them go off on you about a topic. When they are done you finally get a chance to explain what is really going on and suddenly they realize how far off base they were because they only had a portion of the information they needed. They didn't have a complete or correct set of facts, yet it didn't stop them from basing their perception of the situation off them.

What's even worse is a situation I know of where one person is purposely putting out incorrect information to both hurt and manipulate another and to make himself look better. I can't even describe how much that pisses me off. I described the situation to a friend of mine as a cross between Jerry Springer and Dr. Phil. One minute this individual is all angry and upset.. grabbing folding chairs and getting enraged at the other guests while the crowd chants "Jerry!Jerry!Jerry!". Then all of a sudden he is on the couch with Dr. Phil, curled up in the fetal position playing the victim and the martyr, waiting for Dr. Phil to tell him how he was not responsible in any way for what has happened in his life and looking for others to blame. Man up and realize that it takes two people to make a relationship work and two to make it fail. Stop going around trying to give everyone the perception that you are this perfect person and that you are a completely innocent victim. There is no such thing. Step back and realize that somethings are personal and should stay that way and not be used to make people like you better and feel sorry for you. I have very little respect for people that use information that should remain personal to manipulate situations and people.

I have gotten to a point in my life where I am just past playing games and all the emotional drama bullshit that goes with it. I try to tell people exactly what I am thinking, feeling. As I look move forward with relationships I have with people in my life, I am doing everything I can to be open and honest even if it hurts sometimes. I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I have made many mistakes in my past and I'm sure I will make more in the future, but I am working on owning up to those mistakes. Admitting when I am in the wrong or out of line and trying to fix the situations the best I can. I am trying to stress that with people in my life too.. be honest with me, tell me how you feel and we can work through anything.

Another friend of mine and I have talked about the fact that while we don't always like change and everything that goes with it, sometimes its for the best and the right choice. What is the hardest to deal with and the most maddening is the waiting, the not knowing whats going on. Trying to wrap your head around a situation where you only have part of the information you need. Trying to make sense of life when there are so many unknowns. Unfortunately that is a fact of life sometimes, but it doesn't make it any easier. In times of uncertainty, of the unknown, thats when we need the support of our significant others, family and friends. Be honest with them and let them be there to support you, even if what you have to say may not be what they want to hear. If they truly care about you, they will get past their frustration over the situation and they will be there to support you even if they don't always uderstand your decisions. That to me is the sign of a true friend .. someone who shakes their head in bewilderment at the retardedness of your actions and then helps you up off the ground and dusts you off again.

In this crazy world we live in, shit happens. We all have to deal with the various events in our lives the best we can. I am thankful for the people in my life now that help me get through the tough times and celebrate the good times with me. It saddens and infuriates me to see people who intentionally hurt others. I wish those people would take a good look inside themselves and see what is missing in their lives that they have to purposely set out to hurt others to feel better about themselves. If thats the only way you feel good about your life, be prepared for a long sad existence. Find what makes you happy.. for you... and don't drag other people down to make yourself feel good.

I knew you all were missing an epic lenght rambling blog post from me about something you probably don't give a damn about.. so here you go. Enjoy!