Our guild is like a family

I was talking with someone the other day about all the personalities in our guild. We have always considered our guild like an extended family. Over the years, I have gotten to know many of the people quite well. Hell I have been running this guild for almost 10 years now through various games and some people have been a part of our crazy little group for close to that long. What really struck me the other day is how much like a family dynamic the guild can be.

Think of your typical big family get together. Picture extended family gathering from all over for a family reunion or say a big Thanksgiving day meal. You like a good portion of those people. Some you are very close to. Others have little habits or mannerisms that drive you insane and make you want to drink heavily. There is that crude uncle that makes everyone just a little bit uncomfortable with his poorly timed off-color jokes. The crazy aunt that loves everyone but is just a little bit creepy when she says she wants to give you a kiss with that "ISmoked3PacksADaySinceAge15" voice. There are those that would do anything for you if you asked. Others that play nice since its a family gathering but seriously dislike you even if you don't know it. We have all those personalities and more in the group of people we call guildmates.

Two things became very apparent to me over the years running this guild. First was that not everyone is going to get along. The second was that you better have a thick skin if you want to participate. I had to realize that the super bubbly and giggly quasi goth chick is going to get on some peoples nerves and that there are those that will rub her the wrong way in return. We have a guy in the guild that is super nice.. loves to help out and trys to get along with everyone. Being a guild full of sarcastic bastards who love to give people endless amounts of crap, he got it from all directions when he joined the guild. Initially he didn't handle it well at all, getting upset that people were constantly ragging on him. I am well beyond policing guild relationships at this point. I tried early on with little success to make everyone get along and it just didn't work so I had to tell this guy flat out that he either cowboy up and learn to take it and throw it right back at them, or move on to a different guild because he was going to get eaten alive.

Relationships are a tricky thing. A lot of time it comes down to confidence in yourself and of course learning how to deal with certain personalities. You have to be happy with yourself before you are ready to start jumping into those shark infested waters. You can't take everything personally. You have to learn how to deal with the guy that generally is an asshole to everyone and doesn't seem to know he's an asshole. (who you later find out has an interest in sewing!) You have to learn to deal with the people that pick up on sensitivity like an angry rottwieler on a t-bone steak and will haze you til you either start crying or you throw it right back at them and show you have a spine. It's not an easy thing to learn for some people that most of us only give crap to the ones we like and care about. Oh sure, I am not above mocking someone who clearly needs it (see the post on Durth), but 99% of the time, if I joke around and mock you on a daily basis, its because I like you. I think it all harkens back to the days when boys and girls would chase, punch and tackle people they liked. You like that hot little third grader over there? Chase her around the playground. If she cries and tells the teacher, you are pretty much hosed. If she tosses her hair playfully over her shoulder and smiles before running and pretending to hate you for chasing her.. well then you are golden!

A lot of times you get to see way more of someones true personality being online, or maybe how they percieve themselves. We had a guy in the guild for a long time who I had met in person on quite a few occasions. In person he was pretty cool, down to earth and genuinely fun to hang out with. Online he was a giant puss filled blister of hate, anger and rage who didn't filter anything that came into his head and in fact generally strived to be as offensive and argumentative as possible. They anonymity of the internet is a double edged sword. I think people are somewhat freer to be themselves, which can be both a good thing and a bad thing. A lot of times its a good thing as you can actually really get to know someone's personality and what they are like when they are relaxed and themselves and are not putting on a show of what they think you want to see. Other times its a bad thing because people don't censor or filter themselves like they would in the real world. The anonymity provides them with a safety barrier that allows them to do what they want with little fear of repercussion and thus do/say things that are very out of character compared to what you would see if you met them in person.

In this day and age of internet dating, chat rooms, emails, and text messages, is one way of doing things better than another. As people head back into the dating world these days, is meeting someone online a bad thing? I know it used to have a huge stigma attached to it, but nowadays most of the single people I know are using internet dating sites to meet people. The pool of people to "fish" from is much larger than say if you have 2 or 3 bars/clubs that you hang out in and are hoping to meet someone. Its more clinical in a way as well in that you can speficy your criteria and the dating site won't even show you people that don't meet that profile. Which is scary in itself in that you have to know exactly what you want :P

So I guess the real question these days is which method is better? Old school dating? Or starting relationships online and then moving into the "real world". I can see arguments for both ways, but the thing about actually going out on a date for the first time with someone is it always seemed so uptight and fake. You are on your best behavior. You stick to safer topics of discussion. You are super polite and trying to give that best first impression. I'm not saying you don't want to put your best foot forward in any relationship, but you still have to be yourself, not what you think the other person wants you to be. The last thing you want is for someone you are interested in to keep all that crazy bottled up and then one day like a chapagne bottle the top pops off the the crazy just comes spewing out and you wonder where the hell this nutty bitch came from. Now I'm not saying that you can't run into the same thing with starting a relationship online, but I think in general people are a lot more open as they don't feel quite as exposed and vulnerable as they do in person.

Either way you do it, you really need to get to know the person you are interested in and plan on spending a lot of time with. Don't ignore the awkward topics. The things that maybe you would like to keep hidden if you could. Now I'm not talking about a fun date with someone you just met or anything, but if you are seriously interested in someone, you have to be able to discuss anything. If you are not comfortable doing that, then you really need to ask yourself how its going to work out in the long run if you can't be open and honest about your thoughts and feelings. I mean you don't want to take someone who you think is a wonderful, mild mannered person home to me the family to have them suddenly announce they they are quitting their job to be a roadie for some band, and that they have a wierd midget clown fetish and sometimes like to do the furry thing. Maybe they even throw out in an offhand manner that they are a vegetarian and that meat eaters make them sick.... while your dad is out back grilling up some burgers for dinner. Oh... good times.

Once again.. I started with the intention of making a smaller post, but I have rambled on from one topic to another. You should all be used to that by now however. I leave you with a quick glossary of key terms that will hopefully help you in your future relationships:



One more thing, if you didn't get the "furry" reference.. here's some reading for you. And before you ask how I know anything about it.. get your mind out of the gutter. There is an episode of CSI that deal with a furry convention in Vegas.