Raised or Sheltered?

There are some parents who think that the best way to raise their kids is to assume the pictured stance and pretend the big scary world doesn't exist. Couple of things to think about though with that attitude:

1. You are wayyyy overdressed for the beach.
2. No, I don't think you can actually make a pearl in your vagina as a second income source, so you want to keep sand out of there. It makes you cranky.
3. You look ridiculous.
4. With this position and mentality, the world doesn't cease to exist. It is just going to drill you in the ass when you least expect it because you won't see it coming.

My sister, who apparently is the antichrist, bought a webcam for me and my boy, and one for my parents for xmas this year. I found us a decent free video conferencing software to use and every now and then we all get on and talk. Its great to be able to see my nephew as he changes so fast. My mother, loving this concept for keeping in touch with family, suggested her brother and sisters get one too. I am going to copy the email here so you can see it for yourself. The names have been changed to protect the overly sheltered.

"I will not get a web cam...because I don't want Sheltered to use it.
There way too many stories of kids/teenagers using them and getting into trouble, especially the good kids.
It use to be you had to just remind kids not to smoke and drink... nowadays... I warn Sheltered all the time about even accepting and sending cell phone pictures, about using his itouch responsibly, web sites that are not legal, etc etc. he isn't even on face book.
On this school trip i told him no photos... no photos, me telling Sheltered no pictures. yup, they get distorted and plastered everywhere."


I was just absolutely floored at the paranoia in this email. What exactly are you afraid of? If there is a webcam in the house that he is suddenly going to be posting pictures of his penis on the internet? That a pedophile is going to be wanting live sex shows? That the latest terrorist group is going to show him how to make homemade bombs via webcam and induct him into their sleeper cell in preparation for world domination?

No photos? You are honestly going to tell me that you told your child (who is about to graduate high school FYI, not an 8 year old or anything), that he cannot take pictures on the trip or be in photos for fear they are going to end up on a myspace page somewhere and ruin his chance of becoming head of the PTA when they are discovered? Lighten the fuck up already before you ruin this kids life.

My ex and I had many discussions on this kind of thing and luckily we are on the same page. You have to let kids experience life. The ups, the downs. The good and the bad. You can't just shelter them from everything you wish didn't exist out there. Yes, you need to protect your kids and try your best to keep them safe. You need to monitor them and try and steer them away from the trouble spots. You cannot however just keep them from doing anything that might have some remote possibility of being a bad thing.

I talk to my kids all the time and I know my Ex does as well. We will sit them down together at times still and have discussions with them. We ask them tough questions. We watch movies with tough topics or discuss current events that bring that stuff up. They ask tough questions about stuff they see and hear. Its an amazing thing. Go ask my 13 year old what his stance on gay marriage is. Go ask my 11 year old what he knows about drug addiction or HIV / AIDS. They will talk to you about it.

I am not saying I find the bad part of town and take them down there and let them socialize with crack dealers and heroin addicts. I don't however pretend that people with those addictions don't exist. I let my kids on the internet. They have cell phones with texting and can take / send pictures. Instead of telling them they can't use a webcam or can't take pictures, we sit down and discuss it. We discuss why you have to be careful and smart about what you do and where you post that kind of thing.

Give your kids your love and support. Give them the knowledge they need to make smart decisions. Let them know you will answer any question. Make sure they know that they can come to you for the right information and that they have a source for that. Empower them and give them the tools to be a great person. Don't just stand between them and the real world and think that is the same thing.

I have seen myself some of those kids that were controlled and sheltered all through high school and what they turned into when they went off to college. While most of us enjoyed the freedom of college, they tended to go INSANE. From one extreme to another and they just weren't equipped to handle what the real world was throwing at them. That to me is a far scarier scenario.