Putting away the shovel.

I have come to realize that it may not be the best of ideas to harbor a secret desire to hit stupid annoying people in the face with a shovel. I suppose it would be a bit out of line to be walking down the street with a shovel strapped to my back like a samuari sword looking to dole out my own personal brand of justice. Thus, I am retiring the shovel. I shall no longer wish to feel the jarring vibrations that travel up the handle as the metal maked contact with the skull.

I know what you are thinking though. What about all those people that REALLY do need to be hit in the face with a shovel. Snaggletooth for example. Or Amy Winehouse. Or The guy who was doing 32mph this morning on Hwy 12 when the speed limit is 55. Or anyone involved with putting out a Rascall Flats album. Who is going to take care of those people? How are they going to learn if they don't get a shovel to the face to wake them up?

The answer to this question is quite simple. A throat punch. From now on it will be a throat punch instead of the shovel. Why a throat punch you might ask? It looks cool as hell for one and more importantly, its stealth. I started to think about it and while most of the people who are retarded enough to need a shovel to the face aren't smart enough to see it coming even if I walked right at them with one, there are limitations. Shovels are cumbersome. You can't get one through airport security, so how are you going to handle annoying people while traveling? People look at you funny when you stroll down the street with a big shovel strapped to your back chanting "There can be only one!"

My brother and I went to see 'Taken' with Liam Neeson this weekend. That was pretty much his favorite move throughout the movie when he was fighting people that pissed him off. I started to think about the beauty of the throat punch. You use your hands, so no implements of destruction needed. It's stealthy .. you can just walk right up to someone and then BAM! Throat punch! They don't even know its coming. It also silences them, which when dealing with people like Rascall Flats is very important. You don't want them to start up a song which is their way of fighting back. Few people can withstand the aural assault that is a RF tune. I figure with the throat punch you could probably get the whole band at once. You get the first two before they even realize whats going on and then you pick the others off one by one while they are scrambling for their washboards, jugs and fiddles to try and start up a song as a counter offensive. It would be a beautiful thing.

I was going to make a list of all things that annoy me and need a throat punch, but I figured it would be easier just to show this clip. Let's not forget Hugh Jackman!