Had to put him down.

Well its official. The boy has to be put down. The younger one. At least I got a couple of years of labor out of him before he had to be ended. On one hand, I am going to miss out on the prime snow shoveling and lawn mowing years, but on the other hand, I am taking him out before he becomes a full fledged teenager.

As you know from my Tyrant posts, the boy and I have had some discussions lately. The last one ended with my expectations clear as they could possibly be. I made him repeat his responsibilities and consequences for failing to follow through with them several times. He knew that failing to do his chores.. and by chores I mean chore as he has only one .. would result in him getting a weeks grounding from all things electronic. TV, Computer, DS, Xbox. He KNEW what the consequences were going to be.

So.. Sunday night arrives and the boys come back to me for the week. The house was clean, all chores were done prior to them ariving so they both had clean starts for the week. Gabes 'chore' this week is filling up the water bottles and putting them in the fridge. Taxing I know. That is the kind of slavedriver tyrant I am.

Monday was G's skiing field trip for school, so we got him all set for the next day. Made sure he had his lunch ready and snow stuff out. Since he was skiing that day, he had no homework. Therefore when he got home, he had only one thing to do before he was free to do whatever he wanted. There were 3 water bottles to fill. Yes.. 3. He sends me a text at work and asks me if he could play on my WoW account. I responded that he could 'as long as all his stuff was done'. He said OK.

Fast forward 2 hours to me getting home. Late even as I was stuck at work with a vendor later than I normally leave. I walk in the door .. and there is G frantically trying to fill the 3rd water bottle. /sigh. I just looked at him as I took off my coat and put my stuff away.

Me: So you didn't take the 30 seconds to do your chore even though I reminded you via txt when you asked if you could play?

G: No.

Me: Why?

G: Because I was being lazy.

Me: Well at least you are being honest. You know what this means right?

G: *hangs his head* Im grounded for a week.

Me: As long as you know. You didn't even make it 24 hours. I don't know why you did this too yourself. You wouldn't take 30 seconds to do that so you could have a normal week?

G: *silence*


I didn't get upset. Didn't shout or yell. I just thought over how rediculous his actions were and thought back to the line from Bill Cosby 'Himself' where he says that as a dad he can say "I brought you into this world.. I'll take you back out" I decided it was time. The boy had to go. The idiocy of the situation was just too much for me to handle. He had a good run though. Almost 11 and 1/2.

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Putting away the shovel.

I have come to realize that it may not be the best of ideas to harbor a secret desire to hit stupid annoying people in the face with a shovel. I suppose it would be a bit out of line to be walking down the street with a shovel strapped to my back like a samuari sword looking to dole out my own personal brand of justice. Thus, I am retiring the shovel. I shall no longer wish to feel the jarring vibrations that travel up the handle as the metal maked contact with the skull.

I know what you are thinking though. What about all those people that REALLY do need to be hit in the face with a shovel. Snaggletooth for example. Or Amy Winehouse. Or The guy who was doing 32mph this morning on Hwy 12 when the speed limit is 55. Or anyone involved with putting out a Rascall Flats album. Who is going to take care of those people? How are they going to learn if they don't get a shovel to the face to wake them up?

The answer to this question is quite simple. A throat punch. From now on it will be a throat punch instead of the shovel. Why a throat punch you might ask? It looks cool as hell for one and more importantly, its stealth. I started to think about it and while most of the people who are retarded enough to need a shovel to the face aren't smart enough to see it coming even if I walked right at them with one, there are limitations. Shovels are cumbersome. You can't get one through airport security, so how are you going to handle annoying people while traveling? People look at you funny when you stroll down the street with a big shovel strapped to your back chanting "There can be only one!"

My brother and I went to see 'Taken' with Liam Neeson this weekend. That was pretty much his favorite move throughout the movie when he was fighting people that pissed him off. I started to think about the beauty of the throat punch. You use your hands, so no implements of destruction needed. It's stealthy .. you can just walk right up to someone and then BAM! Throat punch! They don't even know its coming. It also silences them, which when dealing with people like Rascall Flats is very important. You don't want them to start up a song which is their way of fighting back. Few people can withstand the aural assault that is a RF tune. I figure with the throat punch you could probably get the whole band at once. You get the first two before they even realize whats going on and then you pick the others off one by one while they are scrambling for their washboards, jugs and fiddles to try and start up a song as a counter offensive. It would be a beautiful thing.

I was going to make a list of all things that annoy me and need a throat punch, but I figured it would be easier just to show this clip. Let's not forget Hugh Jackman!

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Thanks Capt. Obvious

I was reading an article on CNN about a volcano in Alaska that is very active recently and they are predicting that it could erupt. Story HERE. This was your typical science based news story. It talks about activity levels they are recording, the effects on the surrounding areas and what happened the last time it erupted. Apparently the last time it erputed in the 80s, the ash caused problems in nearby Anchorage and they are saying it could disrupt air traffic to the area. Ash plumes could cause engine failure for aircrafts. Might want to keep that in mind if you were thinking about flying to Alaska. :P

As I was reading the article, they were interviewing a 'research geophysicist' who works for the observatory up there. He says that all indications show that something could happen soon, but that they don't know for sure. He finishes up his statements with this line:

"I would not be surprised to see it erupt at anytime," Cervelli said. "We're going to know it when we see it."

Really? So when the VOLCANO erupts.. you brilliant scientific minds aren't going to need your instruments to tell you? You will just know when you see it? I suppose all those years of study and scientific theory are really paying off big now. To be able to look at an exploding mountain and just KNOW that its a volcano eruption... wow. I am in awe.

This guy has the observation skills of an Arizona weather man. "Ummm yeah.. looks like its going to be sunny today. And hot. Tune in again tomorrow for the weather with channel 3 and the supadupa doppler!"

Im pretty sure I could take a child to Mt. Redoubt in Alaska and when the top explodes skyward, ash blankets the sky and molten rock starts streaming down the side setting fire to everything in its path... that the child would look at it and go "Holy shit.. the volcano erupted!" And that without years of expensive education! I don't know who should be more embarassed.. the scientist for saying it.. or CNN for reporting on it as their lead 'expert' source.

Seems like it would be pretty obvious to me.

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Hobos and Prostitutes

Warning: Mom you might not want to read this one. :P Also.. any of you relatives that are nosy busybodies that like to question other people's parenting styles who probably read this on the sly just to make sure I am not talking about you.. skip it too.

Last night I went over the my ex's house for dinner and a movie. She listens to the soundtrack to Rent often and the boys have been asking to see the movie that goes with it. As there are quite a few tough topics to discuss in that movie, we had decided that when we thought they were ready, that we would sit down and watch it with them so we could discuss the issues that were brought up. Needless to say, we had quite a few pauses while we talked seriously about what HIV and AIDS is, and how it affects people. We discussed some of the people and relationships in the movie. I can say I am quite proud at the insightful questions they asked and how well they handled the answers.. most of which were not easy to wrap their heads arounds.

One of G's first questions was of course.. is the whole movie going to be songs like it has been so far? Well yes, it is a musical after all. We watched the whole thing, with all our pauses, and at the end of the movie K asked the boys the question, "What did you think was the main theme of this movie". I could see the look in both boys' eyes that said 'Whoa.. no one said there was going to be a quiz afterwards!'. They thought about it for a minute.. and B says, "I think it was about love." Well damn, that was a good answer! There were so many things he could have focused on, but once again my kids amaze me with what they perceive and pick up on. It was mainly about relationships and love and how events around them affect that.

After the whole thing was said and done, G was clowning around a bit like he always does and K says to me, "Did G tell you what he said on New Years?" I was of course in AZ and didn't see them for several days after, so I said no. G apparently told everyone that when he grew up he wanted to be a prositute and marry a hobo. I was in shock. Why would my 11 year old come up with a statement like that? For shock factor of course, but still.. does he know what the terms mean? Does he have any idea what he is saying? So we asked him if he knew what the two terms meant. He said he didn't know what a prostitute was, so we got to explain that to him. When he found out the meaning he decided he didn't want to be a prostitute after all. /whew

Not to let a good thing go however, he changed his statement. He said, "Nevermind.. I think I will be the hobo and marry a prostitute instead. That way I can do nothing and she can earn the money."

Well lets just keep that tidbit to yourself when people ask what you want to be when you grow up shall we? We are all laughing at this point. Probably shouldn't have been, but it was funny just the same. Let's just hope he keeps telling Nana that he wants to be a Vet or a Zoologist. Don't need to be giving Nana a heart attack or anything. It seems somewhere along the line I made an error in parenting for this to have come up, but hey.. he gets good grades, is polite and well behaved and is an all around great kid. At least he will be a smart, courteous hobo who will treat his prostitute wife well!

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Relationships and Reality

This is a post I have been thinking about.. and putting off. Starting and then deleting. Trying to wrap my head around things. What really got me thinking was stumbling across this blog post as I was following various links around: Link. Shortly after that, I happened to start talking with a good friend from high school that I reconnected with via facebook and our conversations have touched on a lot of the same things as brought up in that blog post.

I started thinking a lot about what I want out of a relationship. What I NEED. What kind of expecations I have. Are the reasonable? Am I completely out of my mind? What is a realistic expectation these days? I don't believe things are as they were 50 years ago. I won't bore you with statistics, but in doing some research I found that the divorce rate now is almost double what it was in the 50s and 60s. I don't know whats different. I can't say if the difference is good or bad. It is different though. I know people say divorce rate nowadays is 50%. I found most statistics showing more like 40% for first marriages, but what I found disconcerting was the statistics for 2nd marriages was more like 60% divorce rate.

I am not in a hurry to get married again. At the same time, I think being that commited to someone.. wanting to share my life with someone enough to want that, is a wonderful thing. How do I avoid being in that statistic? What have I learned in my experiences thus far that will hopefully prevent me from ending up in that place again?

For those people that have been kind enough to share some of their own experiences and indulge me in conversations on the issue, I want to say thank you. Its been very eye opening getting perspectives from women to counterbalance the guy side of things.

In today's world, what is reasonable to expect in a relationship? In a marriage? I think a lot of concepts that were ingrained way back when are rediculous. As the author of that blog post discussed, it is pretty rediculous to assume that just because you are in a relationship and happy, that you would never look at or think about another woman/man. Now don't get me wrong, I am not condoning infidelity. Not in any way, shape or form. Just saying the ancient concept of once you are commited to a relationship with someone that all thoughts and desires for anyone else go out the window is not based in reality. I think its perfectly natural to have thoughts and desires and if you can recognize that and discuss it, you are far better off than trying to pretend it doesn't exist.

GGC talked about how she felt that when she got married, that she was trapped. That when she got married she gave up a lot of what she wanted out of life to be a wife and mother. I think its natural to feel that way. How many movies have you seen where the guy has to trade in his convertable for the minivan? That is often the image projected. That once you get married and settle down, that life must become mundane and boring and not what you wanted. That you can't be yourself anymore and must become super-spouse and embody all those concepts society has tossed out there on how a spouse should behave.

I don't think that is the case, but being in a relationship where two individuals can maintain a semblence of themselves and still forge a shared life is a tricky situation. I started thinking about how people approach a relationship. I started really thinking about how I am going to approach a new relationship. I want to share my life with someone. It's the way I am. I don't mind being single, but ultimately, I like having someone to be close to. Someone to experience life with .. the ups and the downs. Someone I can love and support and who wants to do the same for me. That being said, I don't think a relationship can work long term if one or both of the people define who they are based solely on that relationship.

In the past couple years, going through seperation, divorce, and dating, I have discovered a lot about who I am as a single person who is still a dad with two amazing kids. While I want to share my life with someone, its just that. I want to share my life and hope she wants to share hers in return. I don't want to be her whole life. I don't want her to be my whole life. If that makes any sense at all.

I get that relationships are compromise and take work and enough talking and discussion to make your head spin like a top. I just don't think that being in a commited relationship means giving up who you are. In fact I have come to the conclusion that doing so is detrimental to the relationship in the long run. So how do you find that balance? How do you forge a life together with that special someone without losing who you are?

Ahh the reality of things can be quite scary. Anyone want to take a guess as to what percentage of women dating out there have any interest in dating a guy in his 30s that already has 2 kids and no desire to have anymore? Most in their early to mid 30s are in that 'settle down and have kids' mode. I love kids, but I am not going back to the baby phase. I love that my kids can carry on conversations with me and are a blast to hang out with now. So do I find that hot soccer mom who is in a similar situation as me? Sure, but then you are talking double the scheduling issues and time commitments. Double the ex-drama. Double the complications.

There are so many things stacked against successful relationships these days. Even more for the divorced dad of 2. Its tough to not get pessimistic, but I remain optomistic. She is out there somewhere. I hope. ;)

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Tyrant! Pt. 2

Again last night I had to sit down with my son. Again, we had to have a talk and this time it involved punishment. I was calm and didn't yell. It was a simple cause and effect thing. He knew the consequences if he decided he was going to play on the computer or the 360 before he homework and chores were done. I know he knew, because we had this conversation.. in detail.. just a couple weeks ago. /sigh

The rule is simple. He gets home form school and has about 90 minutes before I get home from work. All I ask is that he does his chores (less that 5 min worth of work a day) and do his homework. Most days he has little or no homework, which in itself is a point of irritation for me, but is another post entirely. That means out of his afternoon, he needs 5 minutes to accomplish his chores. Oh.. and by chores.. I mean chore. He has one. Most days it probably takes less than 2 minutes to do. 5 minutes would be on the high side.

So after giving him the news of his punishment.. he gets mopey and teary. I can't wait for this overly emotional phase to end! He is in his room upset, so we go have a talk.

Me: I see you are really upset. Why?

G: Because I can't play computer or xbox and I was really having fun playing WoW again with everyone.

Me: So who are you angry with right now?

G: You.

Me: Oh? Why are you angry with me?

G: Because you are the one that grounded me.

Me: Think about that for a minute. Last time we had this conversation I told you exactly what would happen if you chose to ignore what you were supposed to do and play instead. Remember?

G: Yes.

Me: So you made a choice both last night when you didn't do the dishes.. and again today after school when you chose to ignore them. You made the choice that you knew would result in your punishment for breaking the rules. Didn't you?

G: Yeah.

Me: So who is responsible for you being in this situation?

G: *sheepishly* me....


I tried to explain that the last thing I want to do when I come home from work is have to deal with that kind of stuff. I tried to explain that I don't WANT to punish them. The boys are 11 and 13 .. which means taking away all forms of digital entertainment means they are going to be moping around the house with their "I'm bored" attitude for the duration. Why on earth would I want to subject myself to that? Why? I am trying to raise responsible, respectful, well-behaved boys. That's why.

During our talk, I found out again that I am being too hard on him. From his perspective anyway. I am just going to resign myself that I am a tyrant. If me being a tyrant keeps them on track with everything, then so be it. It's all about viewpoints I suppose though as I don't really think I am putting all that much pressure on them. Maybe I am though. Who knows. I am winging this whole parenting thing! ;)

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Setting the Bar

Being on vacation for 5 days leading up to and then traveling on the day of the inauguration, I missed it other than the flight attendant saying "Just for your information, we now have a new president" as we sat on the tarmac in Charlotte waiting for out turn to be de-iced.

I honestly feel bad for Obama at this point. Not only does he face all the normal pressure a president has to deal with, he has all this added expectation from being the first black president. Then on top of that, he is being thrown into the situation our country is currently in. Let's be honest here. Any president taking over right now would have their work cut out for them. There is no easy answer. No quick fix.

Regardless of who you voted for or how your politics line up or how much you hated Bush, Obama is not going to suddenly make everything better. Yes it's a historic moment. I get it. The first black president.. blah blah blah. Does the color of his skin make him better at fixing the economy? Does it make his stance on health care or social security any better than if he was white? Congrats America, we have proven we are tolerant and not quite as racist as we were a couple of decades ago. So what?

You could parade a guy with an extra ear in the middle of his forhead up there dressed in a clown costume and he could still be a good president if he knew what he was doing. Stop focusing on appearances and skin color and focus on what they are saying and their actions. Bush was rediculous looking and made me laugh when he talked. That didn't make him a bad president. His actions and choices are what made him a good or bad president (depending on your opinion).

I hope that Obama knows what he is doing. I hope that this country has a good leader that can live up to even half of the rediculous expectations that are being put on him now. The bar has been set so high for him. Every president faces these high expectations that he can't possibly achieve, but because of the mess this country is right now and the fact that he is the first black president Obama is going to need his own personal jet pack to get over that bar.

I wish Obama the best of luck. I hope he can be the president this country needs right now and that people can let the rest of the circus go. Isn't the point in this day and age that we shouldn't care what color his skin is? So why is the media STILL so focused on it. Yes.. we got it. Its monumental and historic and ground breaking and all that. Bullshit. What will be monumental is if he can take the reigns and get this country headed back in the right direction. What I want to see is Obama remembered as a president that made a great positive impact on troubled nation. I want to see him remembered for his decisions, the changes he made and how he brought this country back from the brink. I want to see a history book 20 years from now that has pages and pages about how he did an amazing job as president.. and then a tiny little asterick and a footnote somewhere that says "Oh.. and he was the first black president as well, we almost forgot to mention that."

Unless I missed something, Obama is not Jesus, so I think everyone should stop expecting him to walk on water. I honestly hope he can make a positive impact on this country, but it won't happen overnight. Things are not all puppies and rainbows just because Bush is out of there and we have a black democrat as president. I wish Obama the best of luck dealing with all he has to. Its going to take a strong man with a thick hide to make it through what he is going to have to deal with.

If he wants to hit the ground running and make a good impression on me, he should invade France. By himself. Armed only with a shovel. Im pretty sure he could take France like that. How cool would it be to turn on CNN and see Obama running around smacking French mimes in the face with a shovel? Hell, you could sell that on Pay-per-view to other countries and maybe make up some of our trade deficit. Why is it that whenever I think of the French I think of mimes anyway?

Edit: Apparently I am not the only one that likes the idea of Obama beating down a french mime with a shovel. This picture she made for me cracks me the hell up so I had to share.

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