Transition

As I wandered the various Disney theme parks with my family, it made me smile watching my nephew Caden and my cousin's daughter Emily and their wonder and excitement at all there was to see. The way their faces lit up when they saw a Disney character. The apprehension and tentativeness as they wander up to a 6 foot tall Rafiki for a picture. The little ones are fun to just watch as they experience all the sights and sounds and larger than life fantasies.

My nephew rode with me on this boat tour talking about the land. It wound through a tunnel section with videos and displays before taking us on a tour of this huge greenhouse facility they have where they are doing cutting edge farming techniques for desert growing etc. He went from excited to be on the boat..to clinging to me scared to be in the dark tunnel with some of the displays..to back to pointing excitedly at huge pumpkins and such growing in the greenhouse. He handled Pirates of the Carribean well surprisingly.

My boys were a different story. They are definitely in a transition stage. Not quite sure if they want to be silly and kid-like, or if they want to be more 'grown-up'. Some of the things that even just a few years ago would have had them interested and excited was now more of a 'whatever' kind of thing. It was funny to see them switch back and forth between the two phases. One minute B wants a big foam filled Goofy hat .. and the next he is bored because we are waiting on the big mid-day parade which seems to be oriented to little kids.

So there we are at the parade. It stops for a while on a section of street before where we were waiting and does a few songs and dance routines for the crowds over there. So we are waiting patiently .. and B tells me that he is bored and wishes we were on a ride or something. I, wanting to do my fatherly duty, imparted the great wisdom that is passed from father to son for all the ages to him. The conversation went something like this:

B: Im bored. Why can't we go on a ride or something.

Me: Well most of our group wants to watch the parade. So we are going to hang out here with them. If you are bored, you need to figure out a way to enjoy it even though its not really what you would choose to be doing.

B: Well the floats are all Toy Story and Bug's Life and stuff. Its for little kids.

Me: True enough, but look over there. Is that girl in the little plaid skirt and tight top dancing and jumping on the trampoline not nice to look at even if she is dancing to the Toy Story theme?

B: Wha? Where? Oh! I see her. I can watch this for a while I guess.


And there it was again.. that look of wonder and excitement. The same as I saw on my nephew's face. Only a bit different in what was being referenced... hehe. My son is definitely at that age.. that transition. There are moments he wants to be that little kid still and others where he wants to make it very clear he is NOT that little kid any more.

Of course we all still have those moments where we act like a little kid. My younger son was trash talking me about beating my score on the Toy Story 3D ride/game. I of course got totally into it, annihilated him with child-like glee and then gave him crap about losing afterwards for all his trash talking! Hey.. its tough love. They have to earn victory!

There was certainly plenty to look at while we were in Disney as there was a national collegiate cheerleading and dance competition going on at the Disney Hollywood studios that weekend and the girls were all wandering the parks the whole time we were there. B said his neck was sore after the 3rd day in the parks. He said it was from riding Space Mountain and the whipping back and forth, but I have my own theory that it has more to do with the whiplash effect of following the hot girls as they walked by.

All in all, despite the joys of airline travel in the winter, it was a fabulous trip. We had a wonderful time with my family down there and had great weather for 3 fun days in the different Disney parks. It was a whirlwind adventure but I'm glad we were able to all come together for the trip. It was a wonderful xmas gift from my parents!

Now, back to work. Fun stuff or something.

Read more...

-23 and bathroom icicles

On my way to work this morning the little temperature readout on my console said the outside air temp was -23. That is by far the lowest I have ever seen. Fortunately I was in my warm car with a big thermos of coffee. I knew however that I would have to leave the car to walk into work and that the -23 didn't include wind chills. It would be a brisk walk this morning.

I made is safely indoors, although breathing the air when I first got out of the car felt much like I imagine getting kicked in the chest by a mule probably feels like. There is really just no prepping yourself for that.

After all the coffee I drank on the way in, nature called. I answered and headed for the restroom. I walked inside and.. wtf.. are they pulling air directly from outside into the bathroom? I kid you not, it couldn't have been over 50 in there. I started wondering if I was going to find icicles anywhere.. or if people were having to chip through the ice to take a leak.

All I know is that the women's restroom is on the other side of the wall.. and most likely shares the same ventilation system. I was quite glad at that moment that I was a guy and can pee fast and do it standing up. I can't imagine dropping trou and putting my butt on that freezing cold seat!

Ahh the joys of winter. Thank goodness I am flying to Florida for a long weekend with the family at Disney tomorrow. Its supposed to be mid 60s and sunny. Only about 80 degrees warmer than here!

Read more...

Too much or not enough?

As I start my car this morning, I get a nice little alert on my dashboard. It says "1 tire low pressure!" and then cycles to "Service Tire System!". My car has sensors in the valves that monitor the tire pressure and relay the information to the cars computer, which in turn notifies me on the dash of any high or low pressure situations. Kinda cool huh? Yes.. and no.

The concept behind it is great. I mean who checks their tire pressure once a week even to make sure they are keeping in the correct range? Here is a technology that doesn't require me to do anything and yet constantly monitors the tires and makes sure they are always in range. My problem with the system is that for me, it sits in the middle between too much technology and not enough. I will explain.

When I went to have my tires replaced this spring, they normally put new valve stems on when they change your tires. I found out later when I went to put air in one of my tires (as I was alerted it was low) and the valve stem broke, that they didn't. I called my mechanic, told them I had a broken valve stem and they said no problem and to just swing by on my way home and they would swap it out for free quick as its like a 2 dollar part. Great! Or so I thought. I get there and the guy I always talk to is a little surprised I have a broken valve stem as he knows I just got 4 new tires a few months back and I should have all new stems in there. Well after some investigation, they figure out why I don't have new ones. The valve stems for my car are built into this whole unit that contains the pressure sensors and transmitters. So instead of a $2 part, its more like a $45 part. So they ordered me one and replaced it the next day.

So here's my thing. This technology in my car makes simple things much more complicated and expensive to maintain. Yet for all that cost and hassle, it isn't smart enough to tell me WHICH TIRE. It tells me 1 tire is low. It doesn't tell me "Rear Driver Tire Low" which would make the system actually worth it. So either its not enough technology and needs some more features to make it truly useful, or its too much technology and take it out so that I don't have to pay $45 per valve stem when they go bad.

Another example.. drive through ordering systems. We can put a man in space and talk to him. I can get 200 channels of satellite radio in my car anywhere in the country. You can get a satellite phone that will allow you to make a phone call in the middle of the wilderness. Yet with all that technology, we can't devise a communication system that allows clear communication for the 40 ft. from the ordering spot to the register inside? Seriously? Why does it sound like Chewbacca is trying to take my order? It's either too much and we go back to just ordering from a real live human being at the window, or it's not enough and they need to use some of that NASA shit and make it so that two people can communicate and not have it sound like complete crap. The way they sound now, you might as well remove the technology and put out the ol' Can and Strings intercom. Would work just as well and save on energy. At least go 'green' if it's going to sound like crap anyway.

One more prime example of a technology that is missing that 'one thing' to make it really useful is the video baby monitor. My sister has a 'video monitor' for her toddlers room. She can actually look at this little screen and see what is going on in her kids room. Kinda cool. And yet, does it make things any better? Sure you can see them, but does it really gain you anything? If they are not sleeping, well you know that with a regular sound-only baby monitor. If they are screaming for you and want to get up, you know that from the sound. It's not like the video monitor allows you to see him and go "look at his face, he is totally faking being upset about still being in his bed for nap time". 2 year olds don't really have that depth in acting quite yet.

So what is missing from making that a great technology? I will tell you. A dart gun with a lazer targeting system. The video monitor would allow you to see where the lazer targeting is pointed so you make sure you hit a good spot and not poke his eye out or anything. There would then be a button for launching the sedative dart remotely. This button would say 'Snooze' on it. Your child drifts off into a peaceful sleep for another hour or so and you can get some much needed rest. Now THAT is a good reason for having a video monitor!

I kid of course. I would never do anything like that. At least not that I am going to admit in a public forum. If you have ever parented a 2 year old, don't tell me the thought of drugging them for some peace and quiet didn't cross your mind at some point. :P

Technology...if you are going to do something, don't stop halfway. Make it really useful, or let us keep going the way we are without the added complications that doesn't really make things any easier.

Read more...

Greatest Job Ever?

If someone offered you 100K to spend 6 months as a caretaker of an island in Australia's Great Barrier Reef would you take it? Mind you there ARE job duties. Picking up the mail every now and then, cleaning your pool attached to your provided beach house and providing photos and blogs about the island and surrounding waters. Hours are flexible, and you are encouraged to snorkel, enjoy the scenery and wildlife and in general it sounds like it won't be all that taxing.

Well I suppose it depends on your definition of taxing. I suppose there are a number of things you have to do. If we go by my 11 year old's standards, it could quite possibly be considered slave labor. But he is delusional so his opinion doesn't count.

Its a pretty brilliant marketing ploy. They offer 6 month contracts for this position. They provide 100K salary, a place to live and transportation to and from the island and your home city as needed. In exchange, you keep up around the property and provide them with advertising material. They give you camera and computer equipment and you photograph and blog about your stay on the island. They get tons of free advertising as people talk about it and blog about it (much like I am now) :P

If you are interested, deadlines for applications is in Feb, so get cracking on your 60 second "Why I should get this job" video! It was negative 4 on my way in to work this morning with black ice on the freeway. I will tell you 6 months on a tropical island in the Great Barrier Reef sounds pretty tempting right about now. Relaxing even. And quiet. Peaceful. Probably wouldn't even need to take my shovel with me! Just a small one for making sand castles on the beach. ;)

Read more...

I'm a tyrant!

I was informed by my 11 year old today that I push him too hard. That I make things too tough on him. This all came about as I asked them to put away the new clothes I bought them today. I went in to check to see if they had cleaned their room like I had asked and I noticed that the new clothes were hanging out of a drawer that was crammed shut. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Why do you just shove the stuff in there? It was folded out of the bag already, why couldn't you just put it away nice?

G: I dunno.

Me: Lets look in here and see whats going on... hmmm.. you have socks, underwear, t-shit, a dress shirt, a sweatshirt and lounge pants all crammed into one drawer.. with nothing folded.

G: *shrugs*

Me: (I start pulling stuff out for him to refold) WAIT.. is that a dishtowel? And what is the washcloth doing in there? Not only were you too lazy to fold, you didn't even sort the bathroom and kitchen stuff out of your laundry? Did you just dump the whole basket in there and then cram it closed?

G: Noooo (As he looks down guiltily)

Me: Ok.. well I am taking all this stuff out. You are going to refold it and organize it.

G: Do I have to?

Me: Do you want me to answer that question?


So I pull everything out of his drawers. NOTHING is folded, despite that being one of the few jobs he has. Folding and putting away his OWN laundry. Not mine, not his brother's, just his own. There is now a big pile of laundry on the floor that he is staring at. I can tell when he is starting to get upset .. and this was one of those times. So I ask him if he is upset which he confirms and I ask him why.

Me: Are you really getting upset about this?

G: Yes.

Me: Care to explain why this is a such a big deal?

G: Well.. you see I think you are being too hard on me. I don't know any other kid my age that has to fold and organize his laundry.

Me: None of them? Did you take a poll? Did you ask everyone of the kids you know if they have to fold their laundry?

G: Well no, but one time we were talking about chores at school.. and none of them mentioned having to do laundry.

Me: Ok.. lets put this in perspective. Between drive time and actual work time, I put in about 56 hours a week working to pay bills. Keep food on the table. Lights on. Your computers and xbox and internet etc. working. I come home after work and make you dinner. I make sure you have money for your field trips and activities. I drive you places you need to go. For all that, I ask that you do a couple things around the house which for the entire week adds up to about 30-45 min worth of work. You really want to sit there and tell me its too much to ask of you to fold and put away YOUR own clothes?

G: Well.. I .. no.

Me: Good. So you are going to take care of this and not let it happen again correct?

G: Yes.

Me: Then you may live. Carry on.


I don't know what the parents of all his friends do. I don't know what responsibilities they have or don't have. I certainly don't think my kids are really all that put upon to do the few little things I ask them to around the house which really is nothing at all. But apparently I am a tyrant who works his kids to the bone. Even if that were the case, isn't that why you have kids anyway? Raise them to where you can get them working for you so you can take it easy after doing everything for them for all those years? I thought so!

Read more...

If you drive like a retard...

If you are going to insist on driving like a retard, a state where snow and ice on the roads are common really is NOT the place for you. Try Floriday.. or Texas.. or Arizona.

I was driving in this morning after oversleeping and I swear they knew I was late and so they radio dispatched retarded drivers. Granted, it was snowing this morning. Not heavy, but steadily. Of the 3 lanes on the freeway heading west the condition from right to left went like this: Clear, 95% clear, snowy. So, as you may guess, people were not driving in the left lane that was covered in snow. The other two lanes were perfectly usable.

Apparently there is a rule for retarded drivers that I was unaware of. The rule goes something like:

If white stuff is in the air, assume the apacolypse is here and the first people to be taken by the angels of death will be those driving over 40 miles an hour on the freeway.

So.. the retards in the right lane, which is perfectly clear mind you, are doing 30 miles an hour. Clearly they want to play it safe in case the sword of the apacolypse is not very accurate when smiting people. There are however retards that like to live on the edge. Like to live dangerously. Therefore they are not content to ride in the pack at 30 .. they are going to do like 35.. maybe even 37! So they are all in the midle lane, which is also quite clear, doing 35 and slowly passing the right lane retards, which I have officially dubbed RLRs. The middle lane ones consequently have been labled MLRs.

All I can say is its a good thing that its quite illegal to shoot drivers on the freeway. The body count today would have been tremendous. But then I got to thinking... would the body count really have been that high? Think about it. If these people drive like retards all the time, they probably would have been taken out by someone already, thus they would not have been there to irritate me today.

If you are going to drive 35 on the freeway just because there are flurries in the air, at least do it in the snow covered lane which is the only one that actually justifies the slower speeds.

What I really need is one of those LCD signs that scrolls messages across it mounted on the roof of my car. Only I would program it to scroll the message backwards so that the car in front of me could read it. I could scroll messages like:

You are clearly retarded. Move your vehicle out of my way immediately.
or
MOVE BEFORE I PULL YOU FROM YOUR VEHICLE AND HIT YOU IN THE FACE WITH A SHOVEL.

I watched DeathRace with my bro-in-law when I was in AZ and I am starting to think a hood mounted .50cal machine gun would be quite effective as well. I need to do something before I go insane trying to deal with idiots on the road.

Read more...

Whoa .. wait.. umm.. what?

The title of this blog post has two reasonings behind it. I'll delve into my randomness shortly which you can skip if you so desire. The first part that brought the title to my mind was the headline that I just saw explaining that the porn/adult industry is now requesting a bailout. The banks I understand affect a lot of people and their retirment savings etc. While I might not agree with a bailout as it was done, I can at least really see the economic inpact on a large portion of the country had it not happened. Hell even with the bailout, a lot of people had a huge impact on their lives because of it.

The porn industry however, well, I guess I just don't see it as an essential service. Were it to go under tonight, I am pretty sure there is an extensive enough catalog of porn already out there to tide us over til someone can start it up again with a sound business model. They are asking for 5 Billion. 5 BILLION. Taxpayer money. To bailout the adult industry. W T F? I would be very sorry to see anyone go out of work because their industry is struggling. But with all the people out of work, having their houses forclosed, struggling to feed their families and keep a roof over their heads, I guess I don't feel the average porn star needs special consideration over the rest of the country.

I have nothing against porn mind you. I am all for them running a business and making money at it. But why should a Mom and Pop grocery go out of business and have to just deal with it while major companies, the ones that should be making the best decisions and making sure they can stay intact and afloat, get bailed out by the government? If anyone happens to bump into Larry Flynt, tell him I have a shovel with his name on it.

Now for my musings on life in general. You can stop here if you like and go back to watching reality TV or searching the net for new and creative ways to rid the world of the Rascall Flats and Snaggletooth. The hd-dvd lazer face melter has potential:

http://www.destructoid.com/mod-your-useless-hd-dvd-drive-to-burn-people-s-faces-off--117038.phtml


Sometimes you look back at where you have been. Looked back on choices you made and things you have done. And sometimes you just have to shake your head and go "Whoa.. wtf happened there?!?" As they say, hindsight is 20/20. Ok.. well maybe not always 20/20 but it at least had a good run with some lasik surgery if you know what I'm sayin.

With the start of a new year and some things that have come up recently, I have had that chance to really look back. Look back and wonder at myself. Wonder why I wasn't able to forsee some of the things that happened in 2008. Wonder why I didn't handle things differently. Make different choices. I mean I'm older and wiser now right? Shouldn't all those years of experience kick in and prevent me from making a mess of things?

Don't get me wrong, 2008 for the most part was a good year. There were many good times and great memories I will cherish for a long time. I took quite a few trips and vacations this year visiting various family and friends. Who can forget a weekend of swim-camping in Canada? Or a weekend in Vegas with my sister and my closest cousins and their spouses? There were many other great times too.

Guess I just look back in amazement on some of the things I managed to justify to myself. Things I glossed over or thought I could work out one way or another. Sometimes avoiding a tough decision. Sometimes just trying to hold on to something that maybe I should have just let go of. Beating myself up on somethings I shouldn't have..and not being hard enough on myself on others.

That's life though I suppose. It's always easier to see the whole big picture looking back and see the clear and obvious choice. It's much harder to wade through the same situations when you are getting one little piece of puzzle at a time. You think the picture is going to be one thing when the puzzle is complete, but as you get more and more pieces, you realize that the picture really isn't what you expected at all. That doesn't mean the picture is bad. It could still be wonderful. It's just hard to think something is going to be one thing and find out its nothing like what you expected. Then you have to decide if its a puzzle you want to keep working on or not.

How was that for a metaphor? I must say I liked it. If you didn't, its probably because you are one of those people who need the "Don't stop chainsaw with your penis" warning label. In which case a puzzle is probably too hard for you anyway.

Read more...